Why Women Quit Jiu-Jitsu

In this candid and eye-opening episode, Fighting Matters sits down with Shelby York of Rough Hands BJJ to talk about the real reasons women leave the sport. From casual misogyny to unsafe training environments, Shelby shares the often overlooked struggles women face in martial arts—and what coaches, training partners, and gym owners can actually do to make things better.

Also featuring hosts Steve Kwan, Jesse Walker, and Mike Mahaffey.

✅ Topics include:
• The subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways women are pushed out
• Why some gyms feel unsafe—and how to fix that
• How to build a culture where women want to train
• The difference between intimacy and sexualization on the mats
• Shelby’s own stories of navigating the martial arts world as a coach

👉 Whether you run a gym or just want to be a better training partner, this conversation is a must-listen.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introductions
02:23 Women in Martial Arts: Experiences and Challenges
07:07 Shelby's Martial Arts Background and Perspectives
10:29 The Misogyny Problem in Martial Arts
16:13 Navigating Gender Dynamics in the Gym
24:41 Addressing Subtle Forms of Misogyny
26:09 Understanding Victim Blame in Self-Defense
27:16 The Role of Physical Attributes in Martial Arts
28:11 Gaslighting in Martial Arts Training
30:14 Communication Styles in Self-Defense Training
32:19 Addressing Sexual Assault in Self-Defense
35:07 The Importance of Women's Voices in Martial Arts
36:45 Recognizing Trusted Aggressors
39:14 The Reality of Self-Defense Situations
40:21 Empowering Women to Speak Up
42:26 Navigating Male Receptivity in Conversations
47:45 Creating a Safe Training Environment
53:02 Challenging Gender Stereotypes in Sports
55:04 Navigating Gender Dynamics in Training
57:53 Empowerment and Consent in Martial Arts
01:00:14 Creating Safe Spaces in Jiu-Jitsu
01:03:01 Building an Inclusive Gym Culture
01:10:10 The Importance of Genuine Interactions