Mini Ep. 100: The Golden Rule

Speaker 1: Hey everybody, before we get started this week, I just want to let you know, we released a new mindset course featuring Rob Bernaki from Island Top Team and BJJ Concepts. It's called Mindset for Betas. It's an amazing resource that breaks down a new way to build a resilient jiu-jitsu mindset. It's part of BJJ Mental Models Premium. I will spare you the full sales pitch because you can try it for free. Just go to BJJmentalmodels.com/beta. I will give you a free month, you can check out the course and if you decide that it's not worth your money, you can cancel, you won't have to pay a cent. I've already been told by subscribers that this is the most valuable piece of jiu-jitsu content they've ever received, so I hope you like it too. Speaker 1: Hey everybody, welcome to BJJ Mental Models. I am Steve Kwan and BJJ Mental Models is your guide to a conceptual and intelligent jiu-jitsu approach. And this is the 100th mini episode that we have done at BJJ Mental Models. Man, the mini episodes alone in our feed are longer running than most jiu-jitsu podcasts out there. That is really cool. And I can't thank all of you enough for the positive feedback you've given me on these episodes. I've been thinking about what I want to talk about in episode 100. I feel like it should probably be pretty important. And I do often get asked, what is the most important mental model to understand for Brazilian jiu-jitsu? Now, I don't know if there's really a good way to answer that. Mental models are subjective, but if you were to ask me, I would say the most important mental model is the so-called Golden Rule. And this is not just an important mental model for jiu-jitsu, but also for life in general. Now you might be thinking, the Golden Rule, is that what my parents taught me, the do unto others thing, or is this about arm locks? And my answer to that is, yes. This is both the thing that your parents taught you and it's also a thing about arm locks as well. So the Golden Rule is the do unto others rule. It tells us that we should treat other people the way that we would want to be treated. If you don't like the terminology and you want to sound smarter, you can call it the Ethic of Reciprocity. That is basically the same thing and it means that we treat other people the way that we would want to be treated in their position. This is really different from just giving other people what they want or just treating other people nicely, because the Golden Rule tells us that we have the right to be reasonable here. We don't just bend over backwards and accommodate other people, but we do so to a reasonable level. If we were in their shoes, what kind of response would we want? And by thinking in that way, we can empathize with people. We can put ourselves in the shoes of other people. And the reason this matters is because contrary to what we might think, jiu-jitsu is a team sport. Your relationship with your training partners is going to be the key to your success. When you start jiu-jitsu, you're probably, if you're like me, you came at this because you were advertised jiu-jitsu as this effective martial art that's great for self-defense and it's proven in MMA fights. And so you might think that the whole point of this thing is to just beat people up. However, the culture of jiu-jitsu has evolved a lot since the early days and it's about much more than that. This is actually where jiu-jitsu can stand to gain a lot from other martial arts that have adopted more of these concepts in. Judo famously has the idea of Jita Kyoei or mutual benefit, which means that you're not just looking to gain for yourself, but when you're training, you're also looking to help your partner at the same time. And that relationship allows you both to get better at once. That's the example of the Golden Rule in action. Don't be a dick as a training partner who just does whatever they want, steamrolls over their partner and is always trying to win all the time. It's not just because that'll make you unpopular, but it's also because it's bad for your training. We've had so many conversations on BJJ Mental Models about modern proven training methods backed by science that get real results in high-level competition. And one of the recurring things is, you have to train smart. And that means you're not just trying to fight all the time in the gym, but you're trying to learn. It's not just about me beating them, it's about how can we both get better? This matters for a lot of reasons. First of all, because if you break your toys, they're not going to want to play with you anymore. So if you're just an aggressive, rough training partner who is always going too hard, people are just not going to want to train with you. And then it doesn't matter how dedicated or athletic you are if you can't find training partners. But beyond that, there's other reasons too. Even if you don't care about the cultural side of jiu-jitsu and the community side, and you should, but even if you don't care about that, the best way for you to get better is to train with people who are challenging you. And so if you work with someone for mutual gain and you help them get better as you're getting better, then they're going to become better training partners because they can push you harder. If they know how to beat you, if they know what they need to do to get better, then they can put up a better fight against you, give you more realistic resistance and that will ultimately make you better as well. So this is why you will hear so many athletes today talk about how jiu-jitsu is ultimately all about the people around you. Yes, it matters if you're dedicated. Yes, it matters if you're talented. Yes, it matters if you're athletic. But also, it matters if you've got a support structure of people who will help you get even better. That is so key and you only get that by being empathetic to the people around you. I especially want to talk about this concept because even beyond our training practices, it really feels like in the world today, we have lost the ability to be empathetic to people or at least to do it just by second nature. It's a struggle. Maybe it's because of social media, maybe it's because of polarization. But it's just really hard to look at other human beings as empathetic figures. And that is so key, not just to how we live our lives, but in terms of how we get better at jiu-jitsu. If there's one thing that I hope people get out of BJJ Mental Models, is that many of the lessons we use in jiu-jitsu can be broadly applied to life. That's the cool thing about mental models. These are ideas that can apply at multiple different levels. And many of the lessons that we learn on the mat are just small examples of lessons that we could apply elsewhere. Jiu-jitsu is great because it teaches you how to get along with other people in a difficult environment. That's what the Golden Rule is all about. It's not about just doing what other people want, but it is about looking at things from their perspective. And what would you reasonably want if you were in their shoes? That doesn't mean that you give them everything, but it means that you treat them fairly. You treat them the way that you would want to be treated. This is why I think everything else we talk about rolls up to the Golden Rule. There's a lot of really important mental models in this sport. But treating people the way we want to be treated and recognizing the humanity in our training partners, our opponents, our coaches, and even strangers, this is key to being better at everything. Jiu-jitsu, life, career, family, education, the Golden Rule is the basis for so much of what makes humans successful. So please think about the Golden Rule. I know that you probably haven't been lectured about this since you were very young, but it remains tremendously important. And out of all of the concepts that we talk about on the show, to me, this one is the most important. If this kind of content is valuable to you, please do check out BJJmentalmodels.com. We've got full-length episodes, plus more mini episodes like this and our newsletter, all of which are free. And please consider leveling up with us and going premium. BJJ Mental Models Premium is the world's largest library of jiu-jitsu audio master classes on strategy, tactics, concepts, mindset, and philosophy. Please check all of that out. BJJmentalmodels.com. Thank you for listening and I will talk to you soon.