You're Not Choosing Jiu Jitsu Over Your Kids

Being consistent with your training when you have a young child is a fucking nightmare. I believe it. Uh if you got a toddler or a or a, you know, a baby or you know, not even a toddler, just a child, right? They're dependent, they need you, they got their stuff going on. It's it it is notoriously a very hard time to stay consistent with your training. And uh one of our boys, James, who use of the program, we've been connected on Instagram for a long time, is like, Joey, how the fuck do I manage this with a toddler? I'm guessing you know the toddler's just appeared in recent years. Prior to that, it didn't exist. Prior to that, James probably had an unreal training life, just manages his schedule, just like, I have never missed sessions. I don't know what all these parents are complaining about. And now he's turning into, you know, the reality. Dad bod's creeping in. Oh. You know, you're like, I feel like a sloppy piece of shit. Um, I say all this because I go through these same emotions myself. Sure. Look, it's absolutely a challenge, um, one of these, yeah, as as part of parenthood. However, I do have a couple of tips around it, and I know JT, you do as well, because it really this is sort of, a lot of this is, you know, how do we stay consistent with training generally? Yeah. Right? I mean, it's hard enough without kids. You know, like as busy as life is, you throw a new baby in there or a teething child or a, you know, getting kids to preschool, that is its own equation, and working around it is its own kind of skill set. Yeah. I um, I I think probably first off the bat is worth mentioning is that the simplest thing you can do is just build your career around fitness, own a gym. Simple. Or start a podcast that's about fitness, because then you can just be in the gym all the time. Yeah. And that's the solution. There's really no, no one can push back on it, no one can complain, you're always at the gym. That's it. You know, it's just uh, it's business. Yeah. It's I got to go to work. It's like my my wife complaining I'm on my phone too much on Instagram. I'm like, I'm replying to messages. You're like, it's this is the business. It's fucking marketing, right? This pays the rent. But uh, Stand on business. Always. And then I'm like, I can't find my phone and she's hidden it. But look, if you don't have the fucking balls to go out and open your own gym, I'm not kidding. But if you're not in fitness and you don't have that privilege that we do and you know, you got a gym to call home, there's a couple of things you can do. First one, first one that's super important, and this goes for all jiu-jitsu folks. You got to make sure your partner's on board with the mission. 100%. Like they need to, your partner needs to understand that for you to operate at like full capacity and to be the best version of yourself, and to, you know, be the best partner for them and parent for the kids and and all that, you need to train, right? And if your partner trains, then they they more than likely get that. Yeah. They train anything. Um, but if your partner's not particularly into the gym or doesn't do martial arts or whatever, they might not really grasp that as a concept. Yes. And you might have to sit down and go, look, I just got to explain this thing to you because it's it is honest, like it is still surprising. I mean, I was in a relationship for many years where my partner didn't really get that. Yeah. Even though she trained a bit, but I'm looking back, I'm just like, it created friction. Yeah. And I think we anyone can do this. It doesn't matter if you're a parent or not, where you feel that friction, say with a partner or a family member or whatever it is, and you want to avoid conflict. So you're like, oh, I'll uh, I'll I'll I'll go later. Like, I'll just stay. But what you're doing, this habit or you're kind of betraying yourself a little bit. Because if you said to yourself, oh man, I I need to work out because I'm maybe I've put on a little bit of weight for whatever reason, and I want to lose it. You've got to kind of keep that promise to yourself. Otherwise, this can be very undermining for just your general sense of well-being. Whether it's jiu-jitsu or lifting weights or whatever it might be, like being able to prioritize your health, and and typically parents, it doesn't matter male or female, I think parents are a bit trapped because you've got to look after this new life, and no one else can. And even though, you know, you can have babysitters and parent like grandparents, stuff like that, you tend to put yourself second, and this has a long-term kind of negative effect, whether it's jiu-jitsu or or weight training. And if you also have a partner who's like guilting you, like, oh, you're going to leave me here with the baby? Yeah. Yep. Peace. Yeah. Like, I I think that you've there definitely what you're saying there, Joe, about the like understanding in the same way, like knowing when your partner needs to be by themselves. Like, you just give them space. It's it's kind of similar to that, right? It's just like a bit of a boundary to allow someone to just still be themselves. Yeah. And I mean, you know, there's there's a um, there's a I I don't know how how it is for mothers, obviously. Um, but it's worse for them. It's worse for them in that the guilt, like because there is an inherent guilt as a parent when you're like, oh, hey, I'm I'm just going to leave I'm just going to leave you guys here for it's fucking chaos. I'll see you in a bit. Yeah. And you know, you feel guilt as a father, as a mother, it's way worse. And I and I think this is just, you know, part of one of the kind of shit aspects, like part of a mother's lot in a way is that they can't because they're they especially when it when it's a baby, like they are so more they're much more essential than you are. Oh, 100%. So, yeah. So, yeah, that there is like this inbuilt programming where you do feel guilty to leave, and that's something you got to get past. But then, yeah, if you've got that second layer of your partner putting guilt on you, which, you know, maybe maybe maybe it's like maybe that's necessary, maybe it's appropriate, maybe you do need to be around more. But if you can schedule, if you can have some conversations, you can you should be able to carve out three times a week for yourself, right, in some capacity. And so where does that lead to? If someone's say they've had the conversation and their partner is on board, what do you feel is like the first next most natural steps for parents to get consistency with their training? You Well, you got to carve out, you got to carve out the time, and I I believe the time has to be repeatable every week. Planning. Has to be the same time every week. Yep. Um, so that everyone can just get conditioned to it and be okay with it. Yes, indeed. And I really do think that the best time to train when you're in that situation is early morning. And I'm going to go out and say, like, I know this is hard because we're all trying to get more sleep, but maybe it means you got to get up an hour earlier. You know, or if you're up, like, you know, some people so, shout out my mate Shannon, he was an insomniac for the longest time. So when he and Simone had they had their first kid, also named Joe, Joseph. Joey, beautiful child. Um, he was fine. He was already he was already sleep deprived. It didn't touch him. Cuz he was just, he's like, I'm up at 3:00 a.m. What you going to do, you know? Like, that's And but for Simone, video games? But for Simone, games on, you want to watch? Sit the baby up, fucking. Um, but for Simone, who actually had like a pretty good healthy routine, knocked her sideways. You know what I mean? And so it was kind of for me, not funny, but interesting to observe. Yeah. Yeah. That uh, Shannon's lifetime insomnia had conditioned him for young children. And so he he actually fared much better on less sleep. And I'm not saying that's healthy, but maybe you just I and I don't know. I can only know second hand from talking to my friends who have kids. You just try and fit it in where you can, right? Like, it's You do. And I just I just think that, you know, usually like, I don't know. Usually, uh, not all kids, some kids are really early risers. Mine mine's not super early. But I know that if I can get out of the house by say 6:00, 5:45, 6:00, I can get an hour of training in. And I can get back in time to kind of um, you know, make breakfast, like take him to daycare, help, you know? And so I think that's the thing is carving out that time. Typically, if you leave it till the afternoon, it's probably not going to happen. Yeah, it's This is just one of those things we know is if you're like, oh, you know what? And I and I still do that all the time. James, full disclosure, you know, I'm like, I'm like, oh, no, no, fucking, you know, I'll make breakfast, let's hang out. And then it gets to the evening, you're like, I was going to go train, but I should actually just start making dinner. Yeah, the day's cooked, you know? And I think this is the two things you need for success in the gym are guidance and accountability. And the huge mistake that we see people make is just doing random workouts. That's why we made the Bulletproof for BJJ app. We give you the guidance, we give you the accountability with the community, and we help you get your goals so that you are fitter, stronger, and more flexible for BJJ. Now, we have a 14-day free trial, so you can get in, try it out, and see if you like it. And if you don't, we have 100% money-back guarantee, so you risk nothing. Take the 14-day free trial, go to the App Store or the Play Store, download the app, and we'll see you on the inside. This is true for just busy people. You you've got to get it in first thing, because you don't know what will happen with your day. I mean, yeah, maybe if everything goes right, you have time in the afternoon or the evening, but generally, that's not how life works. Like, the bit you can control is before the fucking chaos hits. Yeah. So, I can't remember who it was, some famous Navy SEAL or Admiral was saying that first hour of the day is pretty much the only thing you can control. And so as a result, he was just like, I have to work out then, because if you're uh, in battle or whatever else like that, like you you have no concept of how big the day can get. So, in those quiet moments, and and for you, for anyone out there, finding those moments is hard. The idea of routine, I think, is hard. The thing that I always try to empower my my clients with, like, and plenty of my clients have been uh, young parents, is to have like a short workout that they can slot in somewhere. So, if they can't hit their normal 60 minutes of whatever, they've got a little 20 minute or a little 30 minute that they, oh, fuck. 3:00 p.m., baby's down. Fuck, got a kettlebell in the living room, let's go. You know, like, I think that the adaptability is is something else as a workaround for the routine. Yeah, I like that. And actually that that that home gym idea brings me to, well, I got a couple of ideas on that, which we'll save to the end. Okay. Um, but I mean, two other two other really basic parts that are just like straightforward is, yeah, don't have super long workouts and like, you know, try to keep it capped to an hour, because an hour is just, you know, it just gives you a container, get it done, it's it's enough. It's like plenty sufficient. But also, like, follow a program. Yes. Don't show up at the gym and then have to think about what you're doing or whatever, just follow something so that you've got a plan and you can just go in and execute. Yeah, take the thinking out of it. I mean, even even for me, I mean, I already know what I'm doing ahead of the the workout. I have it in mind of what I'm doing. But if you're tired or you're, you know, whatever it might be, you're fatigued for various reasons, you haven't eaten, you don't want to be making decisions, you know, in that moment. Yeah. You just want to do it, get it done, and get to the next thing to be able to, yeah, build that routine like you say. The other benefit there of training in the morning, which uh, all your all your morning class people will tell you this, is it just makes you have a better day. Yeah. Because you just get those good vibes first thing and then you're just riding that all day long. Whereas when you train in the evening, I find it's, you know, I always feel like a little bit pent up or something. Yeah. Going all day and then waiting till the evening to train. Yeah. And and look, I think that I think morning training people have been mischaracterized as psychopaths. Yes, there are some David Goggins-esque 4:00 a.m. motherfuckers out there. But also, there's just some busy people who don't have a fucking choice. Like, if they don't do jiu-jitsu in the morning, they don't get to do it. Or if they don't get to work out in the morning, they don't get to do it. And so it's just they're just dads and mums just trying to get it in, right? They're not necessarily these fucking, you little bitch, get up. Like, that's not true. I actually have find I have found most morning classes to be like yin yoga. You know, like, people just hardly awake, trying to do some jiu-jitsu and roll it on. And maybe have a coffee. You know, like, it's Yeah. I I find the morning training, even though it's not my best training, it does have a very nice carryover to the day. The best. I mean, at Vantage, the coffee club is is more popular than the jiu-jitsu class. People will show up, people like, I don't even come to training today, but I'll see you guys for coffee after. And you know, you're like, there's like seven people at training and there's like 12 people at coffee. Like, you're I'll see you tomorrow. Probably, somewhere here or, you know, you know, their coffee order. Yeah. Um, but I mean, that that's another that's another aspect to it is that like, I mean, jiu-jitsu has that, right? The community thing. If you're trying to go to the gym and lift weights, sometimes that's a solitary expedition, and that can be a little bit less engaging because there's no social aspect to it. Yeah. If you could recruit someone to do it with you, Yes. You got someone booked in, you know, whatever, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, see you at the gym, 6:30. Yeah. You know, or I'll meet you at the cafe and then we'll go there. Like, having a partner in that really helps you make it a thing. Yes, sir. Especially when it comes to those pinch points of like, ah, take the kid at home. I don't know if I'll go. And you're like, no, I got to go and meet so and so. I'll go. Yeah, the accountability is helpful. Um, I got a couple of nice to haves here. Now, if you could have a home gym, right, that would be sick. Uh, I don't actually use my home gym all that much. I got a I got a garage, which I'm very fortunate to have. Um, but I have a setup in there, and when I'm desperate, I'll train in there with my son. Nice. Now, I probably get about 50% of a workout done. You know, cuz he's he's in there just pulling shit off the shelves. He wants to get amongst it. Dad, I want to fucking cut this wood. Where's the saws? Uh, trying to fuck my saws up. You know, like, it's it's all that, but but he'll do a couple of sets of something. He'll be like, Dad, look at this, you know, and he's doing thing and he's watching me, and I'm still ticking the box. Yep. And so I feel like there's a multi-fold benefit, even though it's not the best workout in the world. Mate, it's massive. I I wouldn't be where I am today if both my parents didn't work out when I was younger. Like, I remember very distinctly as like a six or seven-year-old, my mum taking myself and my two sisters to her aerobics class, and they didn't have crèche. They just made the kids kind of sit on the wall, kind of like jiu-jitsu open mat. But they would kind of let the kids, so if the kids wanted to like copy what was going on, Cool. It was mad, you know? And and and the kids just kind of played together and didn't get in the way of the class. And so I do remember that quite clearly. And then also watching my dad just fucking get up early and go running, and I'm saying to my mum, like, where's Dad? She's like, he's out running. And then I'll try and get on my BMX and like keep up with him. It's like, fucking hell, this man's running fast. And then lifting weights. Who's he running from? Yeah, good question. Me. Responsibilities and my mother asking him to do jobs. Uh, but then, yeah, like watching him work out, my mum would be like, your father's out the back killing himself again. Just like, you know, just fucking Oh, how cool is that? Yeah. And and he never said to me, you have to do this. He never said that. Yeah. But I observed it, and it made me fucking curious. Yeah. And that's what really got me started. And I I I'm pretty sure that there there's so much so much information out there that indicates parents doing something and the kids just observing it, even if they're not actively participating in it, results in them being fitter, healthier, active people, because you're telling the kids, this is a priority. Yeah. And I think if, you know, we all want we all want our, you know, kids to be fit, healthy, and strong, then that's the best thing you can do. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Fuck, that's pretty cool, those core memories you have about training with your parents. Yeah. Yeah. Or just just observing them train and that's it made it me think that is something that you need to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, fuck, they they they take on what you do way more than what you say. Yeah. It's it's a fact. 100%. Um, the other option that you have there on that one is you could go and train at a gym that also allows your kids to come and train with you. Yeah. My gym, down at Botany, we do that, right? We're like warehouse gym, fucking kids can come to just hang off to the side or depending on their age, get them involved and they can come and do the session as well. Um, it's great. Not a lot of big commercial gyms allow that. But depending on where you are, you might be able to find some little local gym space that allows no dog. Um, that allows you to do that. And I think that that's like a wonderful thing. I know both of my kids uh, go to the gym with mum a lot. Nice. Not the older one so much now, but they but they have done for years. And so they go and it's CrossFit gym. Yeah, it's cool. But um, they get to they get to see her do the thing, and that fucking rubs off. So, they're nice to haves. Not everyone has that availability. Uh, but I suppose at the very least, you could like have a couple kettlebells in your living room. And you could go, you know what? I'm just going to do a few basic exercise today. And kiddo can fucking watch me while they do some coloring. I I think just having an option, if you can't leave the house, having a pull-up bar, one or two kettlebells, maybe like an ab wheel, a yoga mat, some bands, like you can get it in. Like, if you just go, right, I got 20 minutes, I got 15 minutes, I'm just going to fucking bam, bam, bam and just hit it. That that's that's enough for you to feel healthy. It doesn't mean you're going to be super strong or super fit, but it's going to at least renew and keep you feeling healthy, because I think this is one of the hardest things I've observed in my friends who have kids is the health markers go down from infections from daycare. You know, uh, lack of sleep, you know, general levels of stress, you you just see it. And that's why I'm so radiant, fresh, and strong, because I don't have these fucking problems. Yet. No, yeah. No, yeah. It's coming, people. You watch me, catch me in six months time, I'm like, oh my god. Who knows? But that's what I'm saying, it's I think what people forget is just you it doesn't have to be a big full workout. You taking time to do something which is good for you has an inherent benefit. James, there it is, bro. I hope that helps. Um, what did we miss? Did we did we miss any key points there? If we did, let us know. Um, put it in the comments or flick it through to us and uh, you know, we can do a follow-up piece down the track. Hope that helps parents. We'll see you on the next one.