A Birthday Message I Wish Someone Sent Me At 25 - Part 1 (Episode 407)

Speaker 1: What up, guys? Welcome to the Jujitsu Podcast. Episode, who knows? It's 407, 407. Um, and that number is a perfect number to do the podcast we're going to start with. Why is it the perfect number? I have no idea. Uh, 407 sounds as good as any. Um, kind of 407 of these, holy crap. It's a lot. It's a lot. Um, but hey, so here's the idea today. So guys, guys, recently I, um, I shared an email on my newsletter, which if you guys haven't subscribed to that, you probably should. It's at jujitsu.net/join, j o i n. Um, you can get my daily newsletter and I sent this email out recently on my birthday, where I basically titled it like the birthday message I wish someone sent me when I was 25. And it was a long list of different ideas that have been helpful to me in regards to living the life that I like to live, that I have enable, am able to live now. Right? And it come and I'll I'll tell the story as to why I'm sharing this with you guys, right? Because this is not normal jujitsu content. This is kind of, we're, you know, we're going to talk about jujitsu, but it's going to go around in some different places. A lot more life stuff, but it seemed that a lot of people enjoyed the email. A lot of guys resonated with it. And so I got a ton of messages from a ton of replies. And so I figured, well, it seems like everybody liked it. We would make it into a podcast and we'll be breaking this up over like two or three episodes because it was a long email. I think in the, uh, actual email, I told people it's like, this is a, you know, today it's like my 41st birthday and I've got fittingly the, as I'm the oldest I've ever been, I'm going to give you the longest email that I've ever written because I think it was like, you know, 1200, 1400 words or something. Um, so if you have Tic Tac brain, you probably shouldn't read it. Um, but, uh, you know, it basically some ideas on basically about lifestyle stuff as well as, you know, basically getting what you want out of life. At least what I have gained from my bearded experience. I definitely don't have all the answers, but it's some things that have been pretty damn useful to me. And so I hope hope they're useful to you as they were to some of the people that were replying to the emails. And so, um, we'll get into this as I said, multi-part episode and hopefully you guys enjoy it. Um, big thanks to our sponsors for helping make this podcast happen. Charles Webb, if you guys haven't checked him out before, you should. Um, they make CBD products as well as functional mushroom products and a bunch of other balms and rubs and and other different products. Again, for me, a lot of times when I think of them, they sort of for me, they lump together into the the category of stress management and recovery, which is really important. Um, you know, we think of recovery and we always think of like, you know, doing ice baths and, um, you know, all these different tricks and supplements. And, you know, supplements are really useful. Uh, but doing things that can help you recover faster, manage stress, things of that nature can be really useful, um, because that's just as much as important as like the actual time off and everything else. And so again, they're one of the OGs in the CBD space. I've used it for a long time. If you guys want to check them out and try any of their products to see how they affect your body, because again, some supplements affect people differently. You can check them out at Charlesweb.com and the promo code is Jujitsu 30 for 30% off the order to check out. Also, thanks to our friends over at Epic Roll. Epic Roll BJJ.com is the website. They make terrific jujitsu products, great designs, great quality, great customer service. I get my No-Gi gear made through them. I get my gym gis made through them. I actually really like their their quality their stuff. It's really good. And, uh, been using them for a long time now. I've been using they're basically the only No-Gi gear that I've worn for any real like amount of times since 20 21 when I got my first set of rash guards and shorts made through them. And, uh, if you guys want to check them out, you can check them out at Epic Roll BJJ.com and the promo code is Jujitsu 20 for 20% off the order on whatever you buy on their website. And so check them out there. Also, if you guys want to get our, uh, Patreon and join our Patreon, um, where you can ask questions directly to us for Patreon episodes, which we'll be doing, uh, later today for some of the Patreon members, plus a lot of other perks. You can do so by supporting or do so and in order to support the podcast, you can do so at patreon.com/thejujitsupodcast and you can take a look at the perks, see if you want to join it and, uh, we appreciate all those Patreon members that support us each and every month. Also, if you guys want to get my daily newsletter, like I said, my daily email, it comes out at jujitsu.net/join. You can join up there and get access to it there, get the daily email. I send a couple free resources and videos to you guys for joining up. You can get details at my website, jujitsu.net/join. So, guys, let's get into this podcast and, uh, appreciate you guys for being here. So, guys, recently it was my, uh, my 40, my 41st birthday. Um, and I also got my fourth stripe on my black belt. That means that I'm just getting really freaking old. I got promoted in 2011, um, to black belt. Um, but kind of getting into it, the, um, the weekend before I I turned 41, I competed at the, uh, Indy Open, an IBJJF Indy Open. It was my first No-Gi tournament in like seven years. Had a great performance. Um, won my division, won the open weight, double gold. And, uh, you know, did so pretty cleanly, right? Like I didn't have any points scored against me. I was in control and some of the guys were tough. I mean, like, you know, pretty much everybody there had had wins and competition recently. One of the guys had placed second at Euros and had a like a crap ton of points in the IBJJF system. So he's a, you know, a pretty good competitor. But was fortunate to have a pretty good competition performance. And, um, you know, I was going to do the No-Gi competition on Sunday because it's like Gi on Saturday, No-Gi on Sunday. Was really looking forward to doing the Gi on or No-Gi on Sunday, but, uh, it wasn't meant to be. I I didn't compete. And it wasn't because I was banged up or because I was sore or anything like that. I actually felt felt great overall. You know, even, you know, even it's crazy. It's only five matches and I wasn't on the mat for the I I was four submissions, so I didn't I wasn't even on the mat the whole time for all of them. But my body was still banged up a little bit, sore. But, um, I felt good for competing, right? But the issue was is that it was my son's birthday. And me being dad of the year here, um, I scheduled the tournament and I, you know, told my wife, I said, hey, baby, I'm going to compete on these days. And she looked at me, she goes, Luca's birthday is on the eighth. I was like, oh, oh, that's right. Because it was like the seventh was the the the Saturday, Sunday was the eighth. And so I was going to, you know, compete and she gave me the go ahead. She's like, you know, it'll be fine, whatever, just go do your thing. And, you know, but I'm thinking to me like, man, there's no guarantee that I'll live another year, right? So I'm like, I can't miss his birthday, you know, these are important moments for him to be, you know, I got to be there for him, you know. And, um, so I said, no, no, no, no, I'm I'm going to be there for it. Plus, uh, you know, we got him a really cool like gift. Um, I got him like a, uh, one of those battery-powered tractors that he, you know, that he got. And I was like, I wanted to see him get into it because I really thought he was going to love it. So, I wasn't there. I was hoping that the IBJJF was going to run our divisions a little earlier, but they didn't. They ran the white belts on Sunday and then they did the, um, the the stuff afterwards. So I wasn't slated to go until like 2:00. So it wasn't happening. Um, but it was the right decision, you know. Luca and I woke up that morning. We had a great day of reading books at the coffee shop, which he thinks is just the most fun ever. We went for a little walk afterwards and then, you know, Jess was getting the house ready for the party. And then I got to see him, you know, get that tractor and get on there for the first time and he was just having a blast. And, um, you know, I bring this up because I shared a video on Instagram afterwards of him riding around on his tractor. You know, you see him riding around on the tractor, the, uh, on our property, you know, and you see the dog running around with him. And, you know, I've kind of shared my life with you guys a little bit where, you know, I kind of live this very relatively simple life. And a guy messaged me and he said, I'm going to read the I'm going to read it like verbatim what he said. He said, living the life, man. You should make videos on how to be the ideal man and how you achieved all the incredible goals you have in jujitsu and life and creating a beautiful family, property, et cetera. Much respect. And I sort of asked him, I was like, you know, where's this coming from in you, right? Because I'm kind of curious, like, I mean, just want to know. And he says, I'm I'm sure I'm not the only man who feels inadequate and fears that they are either not worthy of these things or simply too scared of, um, or not knowing how to get there. And, um, you know, I can remember being in that situation. This guy was in his, uh, I think mid to late 20s, maybe early 30s, but I think mid to late 20s. And so I remember being in that situation. And so I sent this out originally as one of my email newsletters and it seemed like it really struck a chord with people. And so I figured I would go through this with you guys here on the podcast, um, for those that don't read the date the the daily email. Um, but, you know, this idea of the ideal man, right? This comes up a lot and I think this is, um, you know, how you see all the crazy like red pill alpha bros that on one hand will post this like they'll post a picture of like this picture of this idealist idealistic life from the 1950s with a dad, two kids, car, whatever. But then meanwhile, they're like chasing Lambos and only fans models, right? So it's like, you're you're a little torn there, right? Like you're actually not chasing the thing that you say that you're after, right? Um, you know, I I imagine the the woman that you're paying to be there at your side is probably not going to be the wife material that's going to be a a wonderful mother. Um, you know what I mean? Like you're you're you're you're you're promoting this sort of idealistic wholesome, you know, value like life, but then you're also chasing this frat boy's dream. So, um, you know, anyway, that said, uh, kind of just still give get into this with you guys. I'll be the first to tell you, I'm not someone's life coach. Um, I don't know anything about what it is to be an ideal man because I mean, I'm a shithead sometimes just like anybody else. Um, I do stuff that I that afterwards, I irritate myself with stuff all the time. And your ideal could be very different from my ideal, right? Because what you want to do is different than me. And I think a lot of times, um, it's like Joseph Campbell talks about like what the meaning of life is. Well, the meaning is kind of what you give to it. You you give life your meaning. I think there are certain things that are more meaningful than others and we'll talk about those in these episodes, but, um, you kind of give it your meaning. As I I will give you some ideas and so, um, figured we'll jump into it. So, first, I wanted to share something with you guys. I've shared this on the podcast before, but, you know, people are coming in all the time listening to new stuff and repetition of information isn't a bad thing. So, you know, maybe it sticks with you this time and it didn't stick with you before. It's like a good technique that you come across, a good book you read again and again and you get new stuff from it, right? The first time I really came across this ideal of kind of living a life of your own creation, which is kind of what I'm able to do now, was in my early 20s. I was hanging out with one of my mentors that I met through jujitsu. And this wasn't like a paid coaching mentorship or anything like that. It was just it's a guy I met who took took a liking to me and would show me things. And he was a business owner. He owned several businesses, owned real estate. I mean, the guy he had it down and he also would take naps in the middle of the day. He like did whatever he wanted to do, basically. And he worked he worked on his businesses, of course, but he kind of did it when he wanted to. And I remember he always expressed that. I do it when I want to. And I remember we were sitting there having lunch together one day and we're in an affluent part of town. And I remember like seeing these like nice cars out in the window, you know, like Mercedes and Lexuses and stuff like that. And my mentor, Al, he drove like a a Chevy van. By the way, 20 years later, he still has that damn van. It's in good shape, but it's it's it's like a Chevy van. It's not a big deal, right? And I asked him, I said, why do you why don't you have a nice car like that? Why don't why don't you have one of those? And, you know, I remember him eating and he kind of looks at me. And, you know, he's thinking about what he wants to say and he just sort of asks me like, well, why do I want one? And I didn't have a good answer. I didn't have a good reply to that. I didn't know. I'm, you know, I'm 21 probably at the time, maybe 22. I think 21. I had no idea. I don't know. And he went on to explain how, you know, this $60,000 car at the time, um, that's his kids' education. Um, you know, like that's that's his kids' education. That's stuff that he doesn't necessarily need. And he also kind of went on to this idea of how he avoided excess chasing stuff so that this way he could live term, he live life on his own terms and live a life that he found fulfilling. He got to spend more time with his kids, read books he wanted to read, go to the pool, lift weights, whatever it is that he wanted to do. And, uh, train jujitsu with all of us young guys that were coming in, right? And he told me about this idea of designing your lifestyle, writing it all out, and then working towards making that thing happen instead of getting sucked into the trap that society tells you you should get sucked into. You know, because it basically society's trying to conform you and tell you, you should be doing this, you should be doing that, you should be buying this. And if you don't buy this, then you're not a real man or a woman. You don't really have it made. You know, you you have it made when you can basically have all these material possessions that you can flex on people with. That's kind of what society tells you. And he kind of was going against this. And, um, you know, he he said, uh, you know, or I think it was Nietzsche who said something to the effect that, uh, if you don't have two-thirds of your day to spend on yourself, then you're basically a slave. Now, Nietzsche was a weird was a weird cat and he's like one of those philosophers that like was very heady and sometimes I kind of don't really I take their ideas with a grain of salt because I'm like, a lot of these philosophers, when you read about who they were, they lived a life that I would have never wanted to live. To me, they missed out on so much life. They never had kids, they never had wives or girlfriends or whatever. They never had good friends and family. You know, they they they lived lives where they're just sitting around thinking all the time. And to me, it's like, you missed out on what life could be and you're thinking about how you should live your life, but then you missed out on all these beautiful things that you should. But I think he was on to something with that idea, right? Um, and so here's some ideas randomly to think about as far as my ideal life. Now, keep in mind, this is mine. This isn't meant to say that you need to do this, um, but maybe it'll get you thinking a little bit, right? So first off, I I sort of started with the idea that Al put into place and got lodged in my head, which is everything in my life is by design. I sort of designed it out like, we'll talk about this more later on, but I designed it out. And I think that's important because it's like, you know, if you get in your car and you have to drive somewhere, what's the first thing you do? You put in your GPS. You know where you're going, right? Um, you don't just jump into your car and drive off, right? You know where you're going. And I think that that's really helpful. Like you should really nail down what the hell it is that you want, like what it is to be ideal, um, an ideal life, that sort of thing. You should know what that is. I think, um, I think it was Coleman Hughes. I was listening to a podcast with him once where he was saying that everybody has a philosophy, they just haven't expressed it, right? Some people have, some people haven't. Like you have thoughts and ideas and beliefs. And when someone says those beliefs, you nod your head and go, oh yeah, I resonate with that. It resonates with you because it was already there in you. And so it's it's a really worthwhile exercise to sit down and identify what the hell it is that you want in life, so that you have your GPS coordinate set. What do you want your life to look like, right? That's an important thing and that kind of helps everything else that we're going to talk to talk about fall in line. So, the first one, I ate crap for a decade while I was figuring out my business. Now, when I mean crap, I don't mean it's not Happy Gilmore. I don't eat pieces of shit for breakfast, right? It's, uh, it's, um, you eat pieces of shit for breakfast. It's, um, you know, it's the idea that, you know, uh, when I was chasing this dream that I had, it was painful at times to be chasing that dream, not seeing it going anywhere. And then I'm looking around at friends that are my same age and they're buying houses, they're buying cars, they're living these cool life, seemingly cool lives. Um, you know, while I'm sitting there at one point, I'm sleeping in an air mattress that deflates halfway through the middle of the night, um, bumming, you know, sleeping on people's couches and stuff and just getting by, sleeping in small apartments and stuff like that. You know, not living the life that I would like to live because I'm chasing this dream, right? And it's painful, but but that's the thing that you you have to sort of understand is that if you choose to follow your own path, it's going to be a messy thing and you've got to be ready for that, right? Because again, if you're following these different paths that are laid out for you, but when you when you start to it's like imagine going on a trail, right? The trails are blazed, right? And you can follow those to get started, but at some point you got to kind of go on your own. And when you do that, eventually it gets a little messy because imagine like you're you're on a trail and you decide to go on a different path. The the ground's not going to be prepared. The the bushes are going to be overgrown. You're going to have to fight through that stuff. And that's kind of what happens. Like when you choose to go on your own journey, your own path in a different direction that's going to be unique to you, um, it's not going to be a fun thing at all times and you have to be ready for that. And that's one of the reasons why understanding your own values and when you get into this thing in the beginning, why it's really important because more than likely, if you decided to like be a certain way, you're going to you're going to eat a little crap too and that's just part of the process. Um, but you eat you eat that crap on the front end so that you can live your life on the back end and live it how you would want to live it and live it in a way that's true to your values and who you want to be. Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the idea of delayed gratification. It's like knowing that things are probably not going to go smoothly, you're not going to get everything you want right now, but if you are able to hold off and and be patient and kind of see it through and and it's going to not going to be smooth, of course, like when you're trying to blaze your own your own path, it's not going to be smooth, but just like that that's kind of part of the part of the process is is the failures and the and the setbacks too. I think that's very normal and if if you expect them, I think it makes them a little more, uh, palatable. You kind of feel like, all right, I expect these, there're going to be some some bumps in the road. You're going to be able to kind of understand that it's not going to throw you off because you you know it's not going to be perfect. And so like it's just like anything. It's like saving money for something you really want instead of buying the first thing and just spending money and never have anything in your savings account. It's kind of like one of those things. I'm going to I'm going to try to save a little bit. I'm going to try to really be mindful of what I'm doing right now, not get everything I want for ultimately to get the thing that I really, really want down the line. Speaker 1: Right? It's kind of like what that's kind of a good point. It's like when you do a a jujitsu match, right? I'll tell people, especially newer competitors, I'll tell them like, look, this person that you're about to lock up with, they're going to feel really strong in the beginning of the match. Be ready for that. It'll be fine, but they're going to feel really strong at first because they're going 100%. And, you know, it kind of just to prepare them, hey, when they lock up on you, they're going to feel really strong. That goes away in about a minute. It'll settle down, but in the first couple like first minute or two, they're going to feel really strong. And, you know, like this like the same idea, these you're going to have these strong feelings sometimes, but if you kind of know why you're doing it, it's helpful. And again, having your values laid out, it's a very helpful thing. Um, because it it going back to Nietzsche again, right? He has a couple of a couple of good ones, right? He talks about if you if you know your why, you can endure any how. So if you know why you're doing this damn thing, like why am I doing this? Because I want to live this life. I want to live with these kinds of values and so forth, then it's not so bad. It's not so hard. You know, you you can do the you can do the difficult things. You can have the delayed gratification because you know why you're doing it. It's like, um, if you're dieting to get to a certain weight class or something, when you're struggling, you know, to like stay on the diet or something, you know that I've got to make this weight class on this day. I've got to be locked in. I don't have the choice to mess around, right? So, um, that's a good point. Speaker 2: Mhm. Speaker 1: Here's another one for you guys. It's kind of goes along the same thing, but this is another one of those things that you have to be prepared for. When I first started doing this stuff, everybody criticized me. My family, uh, my friends, you know, everybody that I knew, even at times with different ventures that I've gotten into, some of my business partners, they'd be like, what are you doing? I don't think that's a good idea. Hell, I I remember even being kind of gay when I first started doing YouTube. You know, business partners like, I don't think so, man. Granted, this is like, this is a long time ago, right? This is at a time before every Tom, Dick and Harry was a entrepreneur, air quotes. For me, back then, I was just a young kid that was trying to grow a gym. Um, I was trying to, you know, build this gym, build this whole thing. And, um, that's the thing, you know, when you follow your own path, it gets lonely at times because people can't see your vision for it. Um, people will also criticize you for being different, right? Because you're doing something different. I mean, think about sometimes, I've had so many people where if they go on a diet, when they go to like their office work job and they're eating their food while everybody else is eating the complimentary donuts and stuff and they're like, no, I'm not eating that. They're like, oh, you're too good for it. You're like, no, I'm not too good for it. I just I have a different goal. I have a different thing in life, right? And I remember like leaving my job that I had at the time, which was making decent money. My mom, she just could not understand it. She's like, what are you doing? You know, she really just couldn't understand it. The only time I remember my mom when she was, this is probably about a month and a half before she passed away. She came to the gym and actually saw it, right? It was her first time being in the gym. She came in and she's like, oh, wow. She's like, this is a thing. You know, because before then, she just thought I was like being a dumbass, you know. And so she came in and saw the gym and granted at the time, I was still struggling with money, but she came in and saw the gym and she saw what I was doing. And I remember she, uh, she told me that she was proud of me. She's like, wow, I'm really proud of you. Look at this. I remember that was like, you know, because it's like, you know, this person that said it, but she wasn't, you know, she wasn't saying it to be mean. She was just concerned for me. Um, and what's even funnier is some of those same people who were criticizing me back then, later on, they'll now tell me how lucky I am that I get to do something. I'm like, lucky. Hold on a second. You were the same one that was criticizing me, telling me what a dumbass I was, and now I'm the lucky one. You know, it's like, that's some some strange luck, ain't it? Um, you know, I am lucky and there's some luck that is involved with the timing that I was that I had and everything else. But at the same time, you also make some of your luck, right? But again, it's just one of those things when you follow your own path, you just have to be ready. It's going to be a little lonely at times because people people don't understand what you're doing. They don't see it. And again, you just have to be willing to stay the course through all that. Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard when it comes from, um, your parents, right? That's a tough thing because you You've experienced a little bit of that. Speaker 1: Oh, sure. Speaker 2: Oh, sure. You want to you seek their approval, but also you you have to think about when you do deal with criticism, obviously, no one's going to see the vision you see. But also, you have to kind of take into account their their upbringing, right? Like my parents, you know, it's like you do this thing. This is the set way to do stuff. Like there's no entrepreneur, there's no this, there's no that, there's not you kind of get a job and you you kind of do this thing. It's like when I started kind of decreasing my hours at my physical therapy job and trying to go to like see private clients and like, you're like, what? You're seeing like cash-based people? You're you're starting to coach people. And it when I started doing that, there were not a lot of people. Now you see on Instagram, like every Tom, Dick and Harry, there's like, I'm a coach, I'm this, I'm a a rehab person for jujitsu. And it's like, there wasn't a lot. There was like maybe me and like one or two other people when I started doing it. And it's kind of like figuring it out on your own. It was just one of those things, a weird thing. And then you see jujitsu start to grow and people that aren't just fighters or competitors are getting into it and recreational people are getting into it just for a way and they want to do it and they get addicted to it. And it's like, well, nobody saw that thing. I don't know if I really saw that thing when I started kind of treating clients privately. But, um, it it's just dealing with that criticism because I think for most of us, we want our parents' approval, want them to be proud of us, right? Means a lot when they say, hey, I'm proud of you. You're like, you're doing something. Um, not everyone's going to see your vision. And that's okay. Like that's the point. It's not everyone's going to see it and it's not going to look And I don't know for you, Chewy, if it even looked like what you thought it was going to look like, you know, when you're like set it Yeah, you set up to just do this thing and it's like, whoa, I didn't know this was going to happen. But you had kind of an idea, but a certain vision and it's probably certain, uh, kind of ideas of what success would look like, right? It's probably, you know, pay your bills and have a couple nickels to rub together initially and be able to do what you love doing. And I think that's probably wasn't about the money. Your intention was to, you know, do what you love doing and get paid a little bit for it. I mean, I think that's that's important. You have time to do what you want to do and what you love. Speaker 1: Yeah. I, you know, I think for me, first off, money's never really been the main driver for me, as you you know, you know that that's just not me. Um, for me, it's about what I can do with that money, like what it does, you know. So for instance, like probably I I don't I spend I mean, you and I both are fairly frugal people. Like we spend a little bit on we spend we spend on certain things, right? But I don't know about you. I would imagine, I imagine you're similar, but like, I remember coming home from like one of my like trips, you know, and this is a particular month where it was the final, like I had had four weekends out of town. So it's like Friday to Sunday, I'm gone every single weekend for for a solid month. And, you know, then on Monday, I'm recovering. Tuesday, I can kind of get back to the swing and then by Friday and then I'm gone again on Friday. I remember at the like the the last trip, I remember I got home and it was a warm summer summer day. I get home early enough. My flight in town was early enough that I got home and I got to play with Jess and Luca outside. And I remember just seeing like Jess and Luca playing out on our property. And you just see that happening, you're like, all right, this is this is why I do what I'm doing, right? Like I'll work my butt off if I when I need to, because I don't work all the time super, super hard like that, but I do have some bouts of it. I get to see them I get to see them enjoy this thing that I'm creating, right? Um, and I also get to be a part of it too. I work hard and stuff like that, but I also get to be a part of it. Um, and that's kind of the idea too, right? Like, uh, there's this motif that you see sometimes in movies where the hero creates a world in which they don't get to join in and be a part of it. In some movies, a lot of movies, the hero dies, right? Like the hero, the hero does the last thing that they had to do to create this world to set the world right and then they somehow perish in the battle, they die, whatever. And they don't even get to see it, right? And I don't want to be that person. You know, I remember Al, going back to him, he took me to a we were sitting at a country club one time that he was a part of. And I remember he was showing me, he like pointed over to this woman with a few kids and he's like, oh, that's so and so, whatever. And he he knew the husband pretty well. And he's like, man, that guy's working like 70, 80 hours a week at this law firm, just grinding. They have a nice home, you know, beautiful cars, boats, the whole deal. But the dude's working so much because he doesn't he doesn't really get to enjoy any of it. You know, and then like, like nobody's nobody knows if they're going to get to ever to stick around for a long time. And I'm not saying to, um, to live like there's no tomorrow because that would be idiotic. Um, but at the same time, you do have to kind of keep in mind that none of this is guaranteed. And so you want to make sure you you get to enjoy some of it while you're you're doing it, right? Um, and to your point about not looking the way you wanted it to look, um, 100%. I remember I have a journal like back here for the people that are watching. I have a bunch of old journals sitting through here on this bookshelf here. Some of them are books, some of them are journals. And one of them is from like 2009 when I sort of wrote out this idea of like, I want to I want to change my life and I want it to look like this. I want to do this and this and this, whatever. And I was able to accomplish the goals that I wrote down. Did kind of having the GPS thing set. But the way that I got there was very different. You know, the the the the opportunities that showed up were very different. Um, and, you know, you can believe in what you wish to believe, right? Maybe you believe in God or a God, maybe you think it's the universe, maybe it's a higher being. Who who knows? I don't know what you believe in. But I have my own beliefs, right? And there's been several times where it's like, when I get really focused in on something, it's like, I don't know what the hell happens, dude, but like like the universe throws me a throws me a freaking alley-oop, throws me a ball. Gives me a chance to swing. Um, you know, I mean, like even like Luca, you know, for those of you that listen to the podcast, Luca is adopted. And I remember when my wife and I decided to adopt, like I'm getting ready to fill out all this paperwork and it's like a a couple days later, all of a sudden, I get a call about Luca. I'm like, oh, okay. Well, I guess this is just what it was supposed to be. Right? Like I mean, I didn't play I was getting ready to go through this whole process or whatever. And all of a sudden, boom, you get a call like, hey, um, and then this whole we went through this process and we we adopted a a cool little dude, um, when he was pretty young. And so again, I I I I've had those experiences over and over again where, you know, if you start doing this path and you kind of know what you're after, I don't know if it's like the same sort of situation that happens when you you know the car that you're that you're driving, you see the car that you're driving everywhere. But it's like you when you know what you actually value, when you know what you actually want, if like one road is blocked, the GPS will relocate. It'll it'll find another path. It'll find a side road. It'll find a way to get there. Um, and you will look to find those ways to get there because you know what's actually important to you. It's like in jujitsu, when you understand the underlying principles of why something works, you understand, oh, I need to achieve chest chest to make this work or I need to achieve chest to back or I need to control the feet and make sure they're not on the hips or I need to get the person loaded above my hip line so I can lift them for a sweep, whatever it is. You find ways to make that happen because you understand the underlying reasons and principles as to what you're after. Um, and so, uh, yeah, so that's one. Speaker 2: Yeah. It's tell them that it's you get a nudge, man. The universe kind of gives you a nudge in the right direction sometimes when they feel like you need it. Speaker 1: Which is yeah. It's like what you don't know why that is or how that is. It just happens sometimes, which which is amazing. Here's another one that's been very difficult for me over the years that like didn't quite understand. Some some mentors of mine, the business owner mentors and stuff like that. They they warned me about this. They're like, this is going to happen. Just be ready for it. But I've sacrificed a lot of relationships and, you know, some of it early on was girlfriends who couldn't handle like the work and training schedule that I had. You know, when I first started dating them, they thought it was really cool. Oh, it's so cool. You're passionate about this thing. But then when it sort of encroached on the time that they wanted and it wasn't this normal conventional lifestyle, they didn't like it. You know, and I've always always made it a a a point to like spend time with people, whatever. But, um, I have to go after this mission. I lost a lot of girlfriends like that because they just couldn't understand it. They're like, they don't get it. Uh, they didn't like it. And then later when I have made a few nickels, you know, had a few nickels I could rub together, it's interesting how some people would get very resentful. Um, and, you know, would, you know, you would do a lot for these people to try to help them out. Um, but then they would get resentful for whatever reason and say nasty things about you and so forth. And, um, again, it it it at times when you're live like when you're following your own path and if you manage to be a little successful with it in some ways, it can cause a lot of resentment from people, you know, because they made different decisions and that didn't have the same outcomes. And then they get angry, you know, again, they get resentful, um, about it and instead of saying, well, like, well, like what are the underlying principles that led this person to be able to do what they do? Instead, it becomes, let me tear this person down. Let me talk trash about them so forth and so on. And so, um, again, just letting you know, uh, it gets lonely. So this will be the last one where we talk about it getting lonely. Just letting you know. Speaker 2: Do do you think it's just resentment or jealousy? What what do you think it's from? Like people feel like they're missing out? Speaker 1: Well, you see it in society all over, right? Um, nobody's going to have equal outcomes. It's not a it's not a possibility, right? Uh, we don't live in a perfect world. Um, you know, Thomas Soul talks about this idea in one of his books, how, you know, you could have a family of four, let's say, or let's say like four children, right? Four children grow up in the same household. Each one of those kids has a different trajectory in life. They're going to be different people. They're going to have different jobs. They're going to accomplish different things. And if you can't control four people with the same mother and father and the same household, the same upbringing, how on earth can we control on a societal level, right? You can't you can't simply throw more money and resources and expect everybody to find the equal footing. It's just not going to happen, right? And so I think that sometimes when people, especially the way society's been been done where everything's about instead of you finding out what you actually enjoy doing and loving that, you know, because like here's an example from Al's, um, you know, wisdom, so to speak. I remember Al like showing me some of his rental properties and stuff like that. He showed me a house once and he said, you see that house over there? I was like, uh-huh. He said, that guy like is basically he he lives in that small home with his wife. His kids, you know, they're already grown. He's he's been retired. He didn't he basically saved a lot of money and retired early. He goes fishing down at the takes his boat out and goes fishing, whatever else and whatever and just basically doesn't do much of anything now. And the dude's happy as can be. Right? But he has a small home, very modest car. It's not a massive boat. It's a little small boat. But that dude's happy as can be. And he like talks to him and like we I remember like going down there and the guy's like waving, hey, how's it going? Whatever. Super cheerful dude. Now, society would say that he's not doing great because, you know, he hasn't accomplished some sort of massive, you know, sprawling property and whatever else, right? And and everything becomes a competition versus actually figuring out like what the hell is it that you want. Like he some people would not be happy with his life. That's a that's a given. But for him, that is a great life. And so I think that sometimes it's like you have to redefine things. And this is why it's so important in understanding your own values. You got to figure out what the hell is it that you want. You know, like I remember there's a guy that came to my, uh, my home one time for a camp and we're there and he's, you know, we're having some drinks together and we're having I made some, uh, old-fashioned with the tequila. It was pretty good. And I remember him, you know, getting a little loose and he asked he asked me, he's like, man, he goes, why don't you have a bigger house? And this is when it's just Jess and I, you know, and and we have our horses. Speaker 2: Is that an interesting question to ask somebody? Just just to Speaker 1: Well, right. That's a crazy question to ask. Well, right. But this guy, he's from California. Yeah. And, you know, he's more into that mindset of like, you know, I want to have like he actually talked to me later on and apologized for it. I was like, it's fine, dude. But I was like, why do I want one? I remember I was like, I felt like I was a deja vu for me. I was like, why do I want one? Like, why do I need it? It's me and Jess. This little our modest home with a lot of property. Like this is great. This is what we like. This is what we want, right? What we want, not versus versus like what society tells us we should want, right? Um, and I think that's really important. And so, um, again, just kind of going back to it. I think, uh, society's become this like sort of just constant competition. Even like people in jujitsu, they come in and instead of it like instead of figuring out if they just like doing this thing, they have to like turn it into a competition. Like, am I getting better? Where's my progress? What do I have to show for this thing? It's like, dude, are you enjoying yourself? Like, that's a really good thing. Like if you enjoy it, who the hell cares? You know, just enjoy it. Um, opposed to making it into some sort of competition with everyone else around you or even yourself, right? Speaker 2: Yeah, you got the jujitsu thing is interesting. Um, because like I I post a couple videos on why people quit jujitsu and people are getting so defensive. Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Speaker 2: Like, oh, well, it's this, it's that, it's, you know, it's it's a a bad gym environment. I'm like, find the right gym environment. And like, beyond all, it's like they're making excuses. I'm like, well, do you even like it's almost like they're making all these external reasons why they quit or why they don't enjoy training. And I'm like, well, do you like training for you? Like, is it if it wasn't about the belt, if it wasn't about anything else, like do you feel like you get something beneficial out of pushing your body and learning something and learning a martial art, who the hell doesn't want to know that? You know what I mean? That's to me, I was like, that's the coolest thing ever, you know, growing up watching the movies I watched and like, you know, like that was such a distant thing. Like being able to learn a martial art and actually get decent at it. It was just so I don't know, just figuring out your reasoning for wanting to do it. You have to like what you do. And like if you're satisfied, like, hey, my house is this size, but I have this big yard that I love to be outside in and we have this we had a horse and we did all these things and we got to be outdoors and and Luca gets to ride his little car outside. He's got a bunch of space to run around. Man, that's like that makes all the difference. Like that's the stuff that makes you happy. I I had an interesting, um, message on Instagram. This guy was some kind of, I don't know if he's an influencer or whatever. Reached out to me. He's like, hey, how's your business going? Usually, I don't give these people the time of day. I never do. But I was like, you know what? Speaker 1: But every now and then you get interested. You're like, I'll give this guy time of day. Speaker 2: And so, he's like, give me your info and I'll reach out to you. I'll send you some stuff. So I waited. He never did. Then he kept then he starts asking me like, why aren't you answering? I was like, well, you never reached out. He's like, well, don't you want to sip on sip, uh, drinks on the beach, making $40,000 months and all this stuff. And I'm like, and I was like, that's not my idea of success. Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not really what I'm after. Speaker 2: Like, I don't want to sit on the beach by myself drinking alcohol. Like, I want to be at home with my kids and my wife and and hanging out with them and, you know, do it. So it was just like, it totally lost me there. Because he had like this idea of like this pitch. I'm like, oh, you you want and need these things. I was like, no, I don't. That's that doesn't interest me at all. And and just other people's visions. They think sometimes they think this is what you should want. Right. And I'm like, no. Speaker 1: And a lot of these guys are full of shit, by the way. I mean, they're they're selling this idea that again, is just like it again, it's the frat boy's dream. It's the to me, it's a person's dream who really hasn't thought about what's really important to them. Um, you know, and you look at celebrities that like movies and stuff like that. They mean they make amounts of money and many of them are absolutely miserable. Speaker 2: Horrible. Speaker 1: Yeah. You know, like I mean, like suicide rates and everything else are miserable. So you're like, that's probably not the answer. That's not going to fulfill you. Maybe maybe that's what you want. And that's fine if you do. Again, I'm I'm talking to people that resonate with this. That's not going to fulfill you on a deep spiritual level, right? That doesn't have to mean necessarily religion. If you're religious, that's fine, right? Um, but you it can fulfill you on a deep spiritual level if you find what it is that you want. If it's fulfilling to you, right? Um, and this kind of goes back to the next thing that I I put on this email that I sent out. My wife and I in 2008, we, um, we sat down and we wrote out, this is back in 2018. We wrote out like how we wanted our life to look. And I mean, we got granular with it. It was like, I still have the journal entry. Like how we wanted our days to look. My my wife was like not really with it at first, you know, because she's like, I don't know. I was like, no, we got to write this down. Like, what do we want? And and this I'm doing the same thing that I did. I've done this multiple times over the years where if I get I feel like I'm I'm going in a different place. I'm like, all right, I got to get this written down. Otherwise, I'm just going to be wandering. I have to I don't want to wander. I want to be like focused on the path. And so I sat down with her one night. I was like, hey, how do you want our life to look? And she's like, I don't know. I was like, well, let's just dream it up. What kind of house do we have? You know, we start drawing up the house, right? And we're like, not talking about big house. We're like, no, property, whatever else. I'm like, okay. And we got our horse here. Okay, great. Um, I was like, how much are you working? Because she didn't really like she she was stressed out about work at the time. I was like, okay, how much are you working? She's like, I don't know. I'm like, well, how much? And she's like, I don't know. I'd be cool to work from home and okay, let's write that down. And then we we're writing this whole thing down. And, you know, about three years later, that's what our life looked like exactly to a T, almost. House is a little different. We don't have a laundry room attached to our garage. That was something she was looking for. But, you know, a lot of the other stuff that we we put down there, that's what it looks like. Because we wrote it down. I mean, you know, and it's like some of the things happened in weird ways. Like the way that she started working from home was COVID happened. And then, you know what I mean? Like it was just, okay, she's working from home now. You know, she's working from home and she never went back and she works a very relaxed schedule and, um, we we did that. And again, we did it together. And so I think that's a really important thing. Like if you, you know, whether again, it kind of goes back to whether you're doing it with yourself, you're living on your own or if you have a partner, you have a wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend that you're living with, whatever. It's a really useful idea to sit down with each other and figure out like what's important to us. What do we want? What do we want our life to look like? Let's have this shared vision together that we can work to. Because, you know, there's a difference between ideas and vision. You know, ideas, everybody's got an idea. You know, like everybody's got ideas of stuff that they want it to happen. A vision is where you you take that idea and you start to bring it into existence. That's what the vision's for. And when you bring someone around and say, hey, this is our vision together. You now have something that you can bring into existence together. This is important if like you're a leader, you have to have vision for the people that are working with you. If you're, you know, um, the leader of your relationship, um, or if you guys are just sharing it together, whatever, then you have this vision that you're working to to try to bring it into existence opposed to again, just wandering aimlessly and letting things happen. Because, you know, again, life is going to direct you one way or the other. You might as well take a hand in it and say that you want things to go this direction. Now, again, it has to be pragmatic and reasonable. You can't say, well, I want to make a million dollars a year while I do nothing. That's probably not going to happen, right? But if you set pragmatic goals and pragmatic things that you're after, it's very it's very doable. You can do it. Um, and it's again, it's kind of interesting how things happen if you know what you're after. But so me and my wife sat down. I tell everyone, if you if you're in a marriage, if you're in a long-term relationship, do this with your partner. You guys sit down, you know, do it do it in a point where you're you're relaxed, you know, maybe you're having a drink with each other, maybe you're enjoying a dinner, something and just write it down in a journal. What do you want this whole thing to look like? Because it's super important because then you guys have this shared vision that you're chasing after and you guys kind of know what you're trying to make happen versus like you have two because you think about there's the relationship and then there's the people. The people are their own separate entities and the relationship is this shared entity that you guys funnel all your energy into, right? And so that relationship is going to grow and it's going to morph and it's going to go in whatever direction. And you want to make sure that you that relationship has, you know, a course of action that you guys are a plan or a path that you want it to follow. Speaker 2: Yeah, you got to have congruency. You have to have the same similar goals or the same ideas of what you want to accomplish. And then it's like, it's like you have two people, uh, like rowing one side's rowing a boat and the other one like and like they're rowing in different directions or out of sync. It's like you're not going to get anywhere. It's going in circles. So it's just one of those things where you have to be on the same page. It not completely and and also there's different ways to get there. Like you may have one vision and they may have another of how to get to the same spot. But, you know, it's part of being in a relationship. I think there's compromise and communication and a lot of stuff that probably most of us aren't great at initially. And you have to get better at it. And I think that's just part of having a, you know, a partnership with somebody and and a shared shared vision. Like you said, you have to figure out how to get there. But you have to get there together. Otherwise, it doesn't work. Speaker 1: Yeah, otherwise the whole damn thing's going to fall apart. And imagine if you were wanting a big family and this person doesn't and you guys never talked that out. Or imagine that like, you know, you wanted something and then this person didn't and you guys never talked that out. That's going to make some friction later on versus like, hey, this is what we want. And like you said, you have those compromises, you have that sort of give and take ahead of time and then you can work towards it. Um, but it it was very helpful. And, um, kind of another thing to throw in there along with that is that me and my wife and these were intentionally, you know, written down at some point or talked about is we have specific roles in the relationship, right? Um, I know that a lot of people don't like that idea of like, oh, you know, relationship roles, gender roles, whatever. And I'm like, I'm not saying you have to follow the the the 1920s relationship model, right? I'm not saying that women need to be in the kitchen cooking like food and making sandwiches. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is, you figure out what the hell it is you guys want to do. You know, like for instance, in our home, um, you know, my wife and I know our jobs in our relationship in the household. Uh, she cleans and I provide money. Um, she works a little bit, but it's, you know, she makes it's her money. She kind of uses it for whatever she wants. But I make the the money to take care of the family. I cook most of the meals. Like when when like there's a significant meal being made, like I cook it. She she will she will meal prep and help me out with that. She'll make chicken and things like that and rice. So there's always that kind of stuff that I need. But like, you know, breakfast in the morning, I cook breakfast for the family. Um, if I'm home, I'm making dinner. You know, and I do it happily. I'm like, I don't mind it. She doesn't like it. She folds laundry because I absolutely hate fucking folding laundry. Um, I don't know why. I just hate folding laundry. Um, you know, I lift the heavy stuff when it needs to be lifted and she gives warmth and love to the home and we kind of know what our tasks are. Um, you know, and like I I sit down with her and like I would say that, you know, I talk to her about this and like my job is to sort of direct where we're going. But at the same time, I need her input because I need to know like where where are you at with this? Are you okay with this? You know, hey, I'm going to get ready to do this. This move this is going to require a little time. Are you okay with that? And there's been times where she said, hey, listen, I know you're getting into this this business thing or you're doing this next thing, whatever. I just need some time with you. Oh, cool. Let's have a date night or whatever. Like we we figure it out, but we know our roles. And I think that's really important because otherwise, like you have people, you know, either one, it hasn't been expressed what the other person wants, you know, or, you know, that that sort of thing. Like it hasn't been expressed, um, what they want or what they need from you and then you're just trying to figure it out. Or you got people doing the same damn thing that doesn't need to be done twice. You know, it's like the military. Not everybody in the military is shooting guns. You know, a lot of people are like logistical stuff. There's there's, you know, the human resources people. There's the doctors. There's all kinds of people that make the fighting part of it possible, right? Um, and and likewise, I'm able to be as, you know, aggressive with what I do outside of the household as far as trying to procure resources for us because my wife has taken care of things here. And when I come home, like it's great. You know, and she's perfectly fine with that. Um, but again, it was it was it was it was identified first, so we knew what we were after. And then it was like, all right, let's do this. And here's the roles. Here's what I'm doing. Here's what you're doing. Let's go team. You know what I mean? It's like, if you're if you got a football team, everybody has their specific positions. You know, you're not sticking your line your your your lineman out there trying to catch a ball, right? You got your you got your wide receiver. They have a task. They have a role. Um, the lineman, he's trying to block and make sure the quarterback doesn't get clobbered. You know, everybody's not trying to do the same task. It it's important to have those roles and and and be okay with that. Um, you know, and again, I I think sometimes maybe that goes against society sometimes today where I guess we're all supposed to do the same thing, whatever. And we're supposed to all chase after this, that, whatever. But again, it goes back to it. Even with my wife, I remember when, you know, she started working less and she became more dependent on me. She absolutely hated it. You know, but then I was kind of like sitting down because, you know, because again, you know, she's been since she was a kid. She's like, hey, like, you know, don't be dependent on a man or whatever. Speaker 2: Yeah, you're taught this thing. Yeah. Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, and I'm like, I'm not saying that like you can't take care of yourself. You can definitely take care of yourself. You took care of yourself for 20 some odd years before I came around. All I'm saying is, I love taking care of you. It gives me a strong purpose. Like there's me having a purpose that's not myself helps me out. Like knowing that I'm taking care of my woman, like there's that's really important to me. And then at the same time, like she doesn't even like doing all those things. She loves being at home and gardening and and taking care of the animals and all that stuff. And she enjoys that stuff. I'm like, well, why don't you just do the things you enjoy? You don't really enjoy grinding it out at work all the time. You don't hate it. It's fine. You do a little bit of work. Work that little bit that you want and then enjoy the time doing whatever else you just want to do. Plus, you know, we we have Luca now and it's nice that he gets to be at home a lot, spending time with his mother and, um, you know, being with his family. That's a great thing. And so, you know, now she's much more okay with it and she's very fine with it. She's okay with it. You know, we it's fine. But, uh, I know there's a resistance. But again, that was part of our roles. Like figuring out like, what is actually what do you actually want? What it is what did you actually find? Because if she told me, for instance, I really just love working, you know, 40 to 60 hours a week. That's what I want to do. Well, then I'm like, shit, okay, fine. We'll do that then, right? But that's not what you enjoy doing. Um, you know, so it's like, you know, it it goes back to like figuring out what you want. And and again, the ideals that we have are different from from other people's. Our ideals are not other other people's ideals. But you kind of want to have those in mind and figure out like, what is it that we want? Um, and then again, you you make the tasks and roles. Here's what we're going to do to make this happen. Speaker 2: Yeah, it's about what works for you, right? And like your all's relationship, the the the roles that you guys have may not be perfect or ideal for for everyone. You have to figure out what you want. Number one, right? What makes you happy? What do you enjoy doing? Like there's certain things around the house I enjoy doing. Certain things I don't enjoy doing. But like, you know, sometimes I'll do the things I don't enjoy because, you know, they need to be done. And that doesn't mean like things you can't flex, right? But I think you have to ask for what you want. You mentioned that numerous times. That's 100% true. Like you can't just if you go along with it, well, I'm just going to go along with it and then, you know, a month, two months down the road, you're going to be miserable and then it's going to bleed into other stuff. So you have to like, hey, I don't know if that if that's something that works for me right now. You have to have like, and it's a hard thing. And boundaries is a hard hard fucking thing to work work through and say no about stuff. And like my wife had a hard time initially being like, when I when we first had, you know, our son, I was like, well, I'm going to go do this thing. I'm going to go do that thing. And she was like, all right. And then after a while, she's like, hey, we have to figure something out here. I don't know if this is working. And and so like having boundaries, being able to say, okay, that would because if I have boundaries and I know like what I'm okay with, that means when I say yes, I really mean yes. And you know what I mean? It's like, I'm not just saying yes to just to please you. And then they'll be like, well, does she really mean yes? Or is she just saying that just so she, you know, just so shit just doesn't go crazy. Um, yeah, so I think like, figuring out what you want and and enjoying it. And it doesn't have to be that way forever. You can always change it up too, right? But you guys found things that work and and my wife and I, we got things that, hey, this works for us. You know, certain things we tag team on, we do together. You know, certain things she does, certain things I do. And that can always change, but like, it's got to it's got to work for you and you've got to for the most part, enjoy the tasks that you're doing. Like if you're miserable doing them, it's just going to suck. And you're going to resent each other. Speaker 1: You're going to get resentment and that's the biggie, right? Like if you're if you're saying yes to something, but you don't actually mean yes, you know what you're really thinking is, God, I hate this. Yeah. Then it's going to be it's going to it's going to bear resentment. Yeah. And then like you said, like they said yes, but, you know, a month later, you're getting into a fight about something that happened last month instead of basically opening the door to saying, hey, like, what do you need? And again, this is why like it's not sexy. It's not like, you know, it's not like something's magically happening, but this whole episode really has been about just really lining out what it is that you're after, right? And we'll have this will be a multi-part episode. But this episode is really like the one of the most important things that I think like if if you're one of these people, like I'm trying to live a particular lifestyle. I don't like the way things are going right now and whatever. You got to really get clear with what it is that you're after, you know, and and really understanding what it is you want. That's a really important thing to do. And I I think very few people actually sit down and do that. Like have you like just talking to people, listening to the podcast, have you sat down with, you know, your partner, your person, what do you want to do? How do we want this thing to look? You know, what do you need? What's important to you? What are your values? And then if you're just doing this solo, if you're single, then like saying like, what the hell do I want? Yeah. You know, and obviously, you got to do that before you even talk about another person. You got to know what's important to you, your values, what you would want things to look like and the life that you'd want to live. And again, it's going to not exactly look like you you can't just conjure up, I'm going to live in a castle with, you know, Lambos out front and whatever else. I mean, maybe maybe that's something you're after. Maybe you get that. I don't know. But like, I think for most of us, you know, or our life's going probably isn't that. You know, it's just probably not that. But you you really want to line it out and know what's important to you because it helps you say no to the things that really aren't important to you. And then you know when it's time to say yes because you know it is important to you. Um, and so that's something that's been really important to me. So going back to that question about how to be the ideal man, I have no idea what the hell an ideal man is. Um, you know, I I think, uh, I think that's, uh, you you kind of like have to decide that and masculinity can be kind of a precarious thing, um, where it can be different from society to society. But I think as far as like living your own ideal life that, um, as this guy was getting to you and like, how do you create that life? How do you create this family? Do you you create it because you know what the hell you're after. Mhm. I think that's really important. And so for the people listening, if you've never done that exercise, sit down, pull out a piece of paper, do something, put yourself in a very relaxed state. You don't want to be doing this when you're, you know, stressed. You don't want to be doing this when you're having a bad day. You want to do this when you're in a relaxed state. The first time I ever did this exercise, you know, was when I came back from a really cool jujitsu trip and I was just like buzzing. And then I remember another time I did it was I took a solo vacation to Florida. I was sitting on a beach for like three hours just under an umbrella, just relaxing, letting the waves crash, not doing a damn thing, just laying there. Letting my mind wander, going on long walks throughout this this vacation. And then, you know, my wife and I, we did this. We were having dinner, um, at the time at our little apartment that we had and we were just like lining this out, you know, we were we had we were feeling pretty good that day. We had a good day together. I was like, this is the perfect time to do it. We're in a nice relaxed state. Good good energy about everything. Let's decide this. Let's decide this now so we know what we're chasing for the next, you know, foreseeable future. And like you said, it changes because things change, circumstances change. And so that original plan was held up. And then when things like Luca came along and everything else, life changes. Kids change things. Oh, yeah. So you got to make those adaptations to it. Speaker 2: Yeah, I think if if somebody takes something away from this episode, it's about like what I took away from it. It's about laying the groundwork and the foundation for what you want to achieve, right? You got to have and that's the same thing in jujitsu. You got to lay the groundwork. You got to get the fundamentals down. You got to get some of those things down. You have to figure out you you have to have a stable base to build from and I just think like doing some of this stuff is not fun. Learning the basic sometimes is not fun. Learning how to hip escape or how to get out of, you know, mount or whatever. It's not fun. Some of these things aren't fun. But they're necessary because they they they build you up. They give you a just the groundwork to to build into what you want to accomplish. Speaker 1: Yeah, I think of it like I think of it like a game plan. Like you go into you have you go into a competition and you kind of have an idea of like, what do I what's my game? Yeah. What's my best sweeps? What am what position am I trying to get the person to? What kind of, you know, that kind of stuff. You know, you know, most good competitors develop a somewhat of a some idea of a game plan. You know, now sometimes the game plan doesn't, you know, work. Um, and you have to change and you have to adapt. But you go in there at least with a plan of how you think you're going to try to beat this person, right? Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 1: All right, guys, hopefully you enjoyed the podcast. Hopefully there was an idea to get you to chew on. I really recommend just sit down and do that exercise that we talked about today. Um, I still do it to this day. To me, it's it's it's a really important thing. Um, the hardest part, honestly, is setting down and not doing anything else. Everybody's so bombarded with information and stimulation that it's hard to just sit down and pull out a piece of paper and sit in your own thoughts for, you know, an hour or something. Um, but it's important. I think it's really useful. And so, uh, hopefully you get something from it. Next week, we'll talk more about some of the, uh, some of the financial decisions I made that were really important, um, as we were getting things going. And, uh, you know, hopefully those are useful to you when we get into it. Uh, but this first one was really all about designing how you want this thing to look. So, guys, appreciate you guys for being here. Big thanks to our sponsors. Charles Webb, you can check them out at Charlesweb.com. And again, whatever product or supplement you want to try on their website, use the promo code Jujitsu 30 to save 30% off the order. It's a great deal. You can save a lot of money on it and they make terrific products. Again, I like using CBD and CBN products as sort of a nighttime ritual to help support stress management, um, you know, reduce the inflammation caused by all the sport training and everything else we're doing. And, uh, again, if you guys want to check it out, Charlesweb.com, see how the supplements work for you. If you guys want to check out Epic Roll, they make some great jujitsu gear, t-shirts, merch, whatever you're looking for. You can check them out at Epic Roll BJJ.com and the promo code is Jujitsu 20 for 20% off the order. You guys can also support us on Patreon, um, where you can ask us questions directly. You can get access to a bunch of different videos and digital content and a bunch of other perks. You can check that out at patreon.com/thejujitsupodcast. For those of you guys that join, we really do appreciate it. Um, and thank you guys for, uh, being loyal Patreon members, uh, month after month. And guys, if you want to get the daily email that I send out, which is what this is based off of originally, you can check that out at jujitsu.net/join, j o i n. I send out daily emails there with all kinds of useful information and, um, fun stuff that I think might you might be entertained into reading. And so you can check it out at jujitsu.net/join and, uh, get the free resources that I give you when you join up. And guys, that's it for today. Appreciate you guys. Speaker 2: Chewy, we need a quick, uh, we need a quick, uh, quote. Quick quote. Speaker 1: Ah, yes, the quote. Um, here we go. Here's one and this will here's one for you. This is, uh, from Marcus Aurelius. I probably warn him out a little bit. I've been reading a bunch of stoic stuff recently. So, um, some of these quotes are going to be a lot of stoic things. It's just kind of what I've been consuming, um, recently. But Marcus Aurelius wrote, don't set your mind on things you don't possess as if they were yours. But count the blessings you actually possess and think about think how much you would desire them if they weren't already yours. So, again, what is society telling us all the time? Society's telling us we need to buy this thing. We'll be happy if we get this thing. And even in our heads, we think we'll be happy if we get this. And what many of us have found is that when you get the thing, you're not really satisfied because humans have this insatiable quality to them where they want more, right? They want more stuff, more more information, more, whatever. And so you have to take a step back and it's easy to get into that chase for more, but most of us probably are surrounded by amazing blessings every single day. And it just takes a little bit of taking a step back to be like, look how amazing this is. Look at what I have in front of me. And just really appreciating that for what it is because it's very easy to take everything for granted because what we do is let's say that you raise up to a new level, you get the thing you really wanted. And then what happens? It becomes normal. That just becomes your base. So then you want more, right? Versus like, imagine, um, you know, like here's an example. I was looking at I was journaling earlier. I was looking at some of my old journal entries. And one of them was like my goals from like probably 10 some odd years ago. And I'm looking at the goals I had and I was thinking about like thinking about how cool it would be to have certain goals and certain things that I had. And I blew past those goals. And I look at it and I'm like, man, it's so easy to take the stuff for granted. But if I was to look at myself 10 years ago and be like, here's what you have now, but holy crap, I would be going nuts over it, right? And again, it just it's a perspective thing. And so again, I like I like that quote from Marcus Aurelius. That's one that sits on my quote quote board over there. Um, it's a good one to to to chew on for the day.