The Good Old Days of BJJ (Episode 404)

Speaker 1: What up, guys? Welcome to the Jujitsu podcast. Uh today we're going to go into some ideas on, I mean, really this one's going to be all over the place, but um we sort of start with the kernel, the idea of nostalgia. Going back to the good old days. Recognizing that you're in them and then maybe some ideas on how to sort of appreciate them. You know, maybe not the most interesting idea to everyone, but think about this. Think about your life and I imagine if you've done this thing, you know, long enough and you've done it well enough that you probably look back at some point in your life with a certain sense of belonging, um missing. There's a lot of cool words for that. Uh I'm probably I'm not going to be able to look them up right now because I didn't have them, but I just they came to me. There's like several words in the English language that don't exist in the English language. And there's a really good like Welsh one. Um so here's an idea. So, uh I I won't be able to say it in the true Welsh tongue, but one of our students, uh she she's she's Welsh. Okay. Laura. Yeah. And so I remember bringing her and she's like, yeah. So the the term is Hiraeth. Hiraeth. How can I spell it? H I R A E T H. Okay. And basically means a homesickness for a home you cannot return to or that never was. You can think of it as nostalgia, a real loss of time or past. Um there's another one. Uh it's Portuguese. And again, Saudade, I think is is how it's pronounced. And it's a beautiful longing for someone or something you may never see again. You know, and you can think about this. So anyway, um you know, just some ideas, you know, just like fun words. I I I get into that stuff. But the uh you know, but this this if you've done it long enough, you have these periods of time that you look back on and go, man, I missed that time period. Um you know, and if for a lot of you guys that are parents, I've spoke to a lot of parents where, you know, right now my son's almost three. And everybody tells me, every parent's like, oh, man, they fly by. Don't miss out on them. And they tell me, oh, you know, I was so ready to for them to be a little bit older or whatever. Don't miss out on them. This is the best. Yeah. And so again, so I'm trying to like remind myself of that even when like you're dealing with like the the the little temper tantrums and stuff. And it's an important thing when you're when you're training and to like even when you're going through the frustrating parts of training, hey, like this is a good thing. This is this you're going to look back on this. Yeah. And so we'll talk about some different strategies on that and some different ideas that I think are useful just in general to um to be a little bit more reflective. So you can sort of take that same that same gaze that you look at jiu-jitsu with that you use to improve and how to apply it to like other parts of your existence. Um and again, so it's a little bit off the off the normal beaten path that we do, but hopefully you guys enjoy the episode and if you do, let us know. Um you can shoot us an email, you can shoot us an Instagram message. Um or, you know, you don't have to do any of those things and you can just keep listening to the podcast. Big thanks to us uh our sponsors for helping to make this podcast happen. Athletic is one of our sponsors. They make THC mints that are dosed appropriately to give you certain effects, but not at the same time not make you go high off your rocker, you know, or whatever, get blitzed. Make to the point where you can see colors. Nothing like that, right? Um it's 2 milligrams of THC along with other cannabinoids. 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And along with that, you will get a guide for helping your jiu-jitsu be more focused. So, again, if you're training and you want to improve faster and you want to make more reasonable gains and you want to feel like you have direction in your jiu-jitsu, the guide will help help you do that. Again, it'll give you 12 different strategies to gain some direction in your jiu-jitsu. It's very useful. I've given you a ebook and a video to go with it. So in case you're not a reader, you can do it that way. So guys, with that said, let's jump into this podcast and talk about the uh the good old days and how to recognize that you're there and how to actually appreciate them when you are. What up, guys? So today's podcast is going to be, you know, a little different. A lot of times there's like um a a very quick, snappy idea that we always try to give you to take away. Today's a little different because it's something that a lot of us have felt in multiple areas of our life, hopefully. If you're I feel like if you're doing it right, this is going to happen, right? Like there was a book, I'm going to bring up my um my journal here, my my notes. I was telling Eugene earlier on one of the uh podcast extras that we did for the Patreon. I don't know if you guys have ever heard of the idea of a commonplace journal. Basically, back in the day, people would read and things like that and they would take all the ideas, both quotes, passages and their own ideas and they would put them into a thing called a commonplace journal. I remember hearing about that idea when I was reading Emerson's um biography years ago. Um called Mind on Fire and they were talking about his keeping of a commonplace journal and I started looking into it. And it's a useful idea, but the issue was for me, like if it's if if if I can't search it up easily, then it's like it it you know, I would I had reams of journals and they weren't all that useful to me. So I put them into I have a digital version of it, right? So I have all my notes and quotes and book notes and things like that that are in my um in one of my drives. So I can just access them um whenever I want. But there's this quote from a book called The Art of Spending. It's from um from Morgana uh Housel. Yeah. He's wrote like, you know, psychology of money, things like that. It's an interesting book, right? Talking about spending and how to live your life, not necessarily about, you know, necessarily making money or anything like that. It's more about I mean, really, if you want to get down to it, it's about being very deliberate about your spending, something that like I've I've talked about plenty of times, right? Instead of getting sucked into the Joneses and chasing out what other people tell you you're supposed to want, you know, like some giant house, boat, whatever. If you want those things, fine, but a lot of us don't necessarily we don't come out of the box wanting them. We just get stuck on the the treadmill of the or the ladder of status and we want to chase after that stuff. But anyway, there's an idea in the book where he's talking about it and I've paraphrased the quote a little bit, but basically says the purpose of life is to experience things for which you have nostalgia later. So if you're doing it right in life, as you get older, you will hopefully look back at different chunks of your life and have a certain sense of nostalgia. You're like, man, those were some good times, right? And um we were talking about that because a lot of times and maybe you guys have experienced this, when you go into your gym, there will be periods where you'll have a certain crew together. You know, a group of people that are coming in and you know, you don't even realize it sometimes that you're in it. That like these are the good old days. They're happening right now. And then all of a sudden, you know, people start to leave, they move away, they get injured, they quit, whatever. Things happen, right? And then you're people's work schedule changes and all of a sudden that group that you had gets dismantled and you're looking back at it and go, damn, I miss all those people. You know, and and then I was talking to Eugene about it with like Luca. Like he's he's almost three. And like right now, like I can I already know I am. I was telling Jess that like this morning because Luca does this thing where every time something happens and I mean, it doesn't matter, dude. Anything that happens, we go do something. He'll be like, Dada, tell me that time that we went to the coffee shop. You tell me that story. Tell me that story. And I'll have to make this story about once upon a time, me and Luca and I'll just I'll basically relay everything that happened and it becomes a story. But it's so cute and then but at the same time, it's kind of annoying because you're like, dude, I just want to sit here and eat my breakfast. But at the same time, I was telling Jess this morning, I was like, man, I know like I'm just like trying to eat my breakfast and just kind of wake up, but I'm going to miss him doing that. Even though it's kind of annoying me right now, I'm going to miss him doing that because at some point, he's not going to give a damn what I'm doing. Um, you know, but again, we go through these these moments of that we have nostalgia later on because if we were in the good old times. We were in the good old times, we didn't realize it. Um and we do this, I got we everybody does this everywhere. All of us have some aspect of our life. So this is what the podcast is based on today, which is a little different, but hopefully, you know, if you guys are long-term listeners and obviously, you you've been around us and know that we get into tangents, but I just think it's a it's a fun idea. And it it's something maybe to bring up to get just just to make you to maybe take inventory of what's going on in your own life right now. And we're in a rush to get to the next place. Everybody's always in a rush to get to the next place, the next thing, whatever it is. And a lot of times you you got to like take a step back and be like, look, enjoy this. This happens once, right now. Whatever's going on right now, this might only happen once in your life. And just you got to enjoy it because this is it. By by the way, I'm going to get a little off topic here, but Let's get off topic. Well, I want to get off topic because you're saying this stuff and I'm smiling because you made up a song for Luca and then you showed me the music video. And it was awesome. Like they had slow motion and all this stuff. Dude, what's what was the name of the song, Gary? The Farmer and the Rake. The Farmer and the Rake. So here here real quick, I'll tell you guys the story. Tell us real quick and then we'll we'll we'll turn this to jiu-jitsu, but this was he showed me this and I was like, did y'all make this video? This is really good, dude. Like, I mean, they got like intros and like leaves are flying slow it was it was good. So what happened was we went to on for um Thanksgiving, we went to go see grandma down in Arkansas. So Luca's great granny. And while we were down there, we were raking a bunch of leaves. And so Luca, you know, he likes to sing songs because he hears these nursery rhyme songs and he wants to sing songs. So I mean, he'll he'll be singing around like if you guys were if anybody listening was at like our Costa Rica trip and Luca and Jess were there, I mean, he's just he's either talking about Jack and the Beanstalk or he's running around just singing. He's like singing E I O or Farmer in the Dale is another one. So Farmer in the Dale, Farmer in the Dale, that one, right? So, we were raking leaves and I started singing Farmer in the Rake. I was like, Farmer in the Rake, Farmer in the Rake, whatever. So I didn't think anything of it. Luca then gets it like lodged into his brain that that's a song. He's like, hey, Dada, let's watch Farmer in the Rake. I'm like, what are you talking about Farmer in the Rake? He's like, I want to watch because we were like because, you know, he's like wants to watch stuff on the phone sometimes. And we'll watch like nursery rhymes. We'll watch like Jack and the Beanstalk sometimes. Um, you know, when we were like kind of away or traveling or whatever. Since we were traveling, it's like, all right, man, like we'll have a little screen time together. All right, Farmer in the we were watching Jack and the Beanstalk, E I O, you know, Old McDonald. He's like, let's watch Farmer in the Rake. I was like, dude, that's not a song. I made that up. Like, made it up. The whole we had a like a nine and a half hour drive through Arkansas to get back home. The whole time, every now and then he'd be like, Farmer in the Rake, Dada. It's not a it's not a thing, dude. That's I made it up. He goes to sleep. We get home, goes like the next morning, he pops up. Dada, can we listen to Farmer in the Rake? I'm like, dude, it's not a thing. So, me, Jess and him went out there and we made like a music video just so that we had one. And so we went and recorded it and Jess Jess had the idea about like the the leaves, whatever. And so we we were raking leaves, me and Luca were raking leaves together and dancing and all that stuff. And then, you know, then later on, I went, downloaded a like a a Farmer in the like a Farmer in the Dale song, like like instrumental. And then me and Luca sung the lyrics to Farmer in the Rake over my microphone. And then we posted it unlisted so you can't watch us anywhere. So I posted it unlisted and then this way, like whenever he asked about it, we can show him the video, me and him playing. And like, here you go, dude. You me, Farmer in the Rake. So that's how that whole thing came up. And um, you know, it was just the good old days, man. They're happening. He's going to hate you saying he's like, Dad, quit singing or something like that eventually, but not right now. He wants he wants all the songs. He wants it all, dude. Um, So I I got this idea about the good old days. Um, one of the ideas was like, I there was a quote from The Office, which a show I love and it uh one of the guys from The Office, I think it was the last episode, he says, I wish um that I wish we knew we were in the good old days when actually we were in them or something something along those lines. Like knowing where like that we're actually appreciating the time that we're training right now. I think sometimes it got me thinking a couple things brought this up. One was, uh I've been kind of rehabbing a knee injury. Nothing super I'm getting back to training now. Nothing super major, but I was off the mats for about a month, month and a half. I hadn't been off the mats for that amount of time for quite some time, quite a few years. So it was kind of difficult to get adjusted to. And the other thing, my one of my my best training partners, Rob. So uh I saw him at the jiu-jitsu open, but Rob moved um to a different gym, moved out of state, different gym. And he was like one of the guys that I would probably, you know, make sure that I'm ready for a tournament with. Like if I can if I can hang with Rob, if Rob doesn't beat my ass today, then I think I'm I'm in good shape. I'll be fine. Um, one of the guys that helped me prepare for ADCC and we just got really close and he's gone. And then so I got to, you know, then I start reminiscing about the the good old days, right? And um, I remember Rob coming in as a blue belt and freaking choking me out with a stupid choke and I'm like, what the hell did he just do to me? And he's so he's been like one of my favorite people, uh and one of my toughest training partners and now he's he's gone. But it got me thinking. I was like, man, how things have changed. I was going back to thinking when I was a purple belt in 2015 and 16 and all that. We were competing and traveling all these different places, going to the micro hotel or whatever. It was a snow it was a snowstorm or something. It was it wasn't a snow it wasn't a snow. You going to tell me about the micro hotel again? They know about that story. Micro hotel, the worst the worst hotel. It's like dirty, had a used condom outside the door. Don't don't It's a good details. The carpet's torn up. Great tournament though, me, you and Duke. But like I just got to thinking like I I missed being on the mats. Like I saw people training, but then I actually was my kids were on one side training and I went to the other side and there was like so many you were running class, usually a class that I'm in. And I wasn't training that day and I was just seeing. I was like, man, there's hardly anybody from the from the good old days, quote unquote good old days there. And so it just got me thinking about like training and appreciating the training and just being more I guess more um more grateful for the time I get to train. We get get that a little bit with our bodies breaking down too, right? Like Your body's time, you know, as you get, you know, you're as a parent, you know, with responsibilities, career, everything else, you become more appreciative of it because you have to be. Yeah. Like valuing your time that you train. Like I remember I would every Saturday morning, I'd be in there training and then all of a sudden it was like every other Saturday. And I was like, now it's no Saturdays. It's just like it's just been crazy. So like, um, I think some of the ideas and Chewy, let's talk about this. How do we become maybe more more present in our training or more grateful for our training or even more intentional? I mean, I think it's something to be like, hey, let's be more intentional because you could get injured. You may not be able to train as hard as you were. Um, I think being intentional with training is really, really important. I think if you want to make as much progress as possible, I think that's an idea for sure. Yeah. I mean, I don't I don't have a great answer for that, right? Like I remember I I think part of it is is understanding that you're going through it and the only way that you understand that you that you're going through it now is that you've gone through it and you've missed it, you know. So I remember like one of my favorite periods of training. I there's like several blocks of training that I've had where uh they were special. One of the special moments that are special periods of training was late 2015 to early 2017. During that period, there were so many like just great dudes. Like the the morning class in particular around that time, I mean, it was just so much fun. You know, I mean, all the classes are fun, but the morning class, it was like, you know, me, you, me, Fleener, um, Big Rob, um, Huber, Jeff, Huber. There was, um, you know, Chris Dukes. Chris Dukes was there. There was a bunch of other guys that would come in and they were so consistent and it was like every, you know, every day in the mornings. I mean, we we're coming in, everybody's laughing, cutting up, whatever, having great training at the same time. And that group was special. I remember like even during some of the days where everything was snowed in, we would somehow all get there. Um and and train. And then, you know, people moved away, people got injured, people's work schedule changed. They started going to different class times. I mean, just life happens, dude. And, you know, I remember that group falling apart, not necessarily falling apart, but like most of them still train in some capacity, but they just moved around. And so you're like, damn, you know, and it was one of those times where it did not I I truly did I was having so much fun every day, but didn't appreciate, oh, man, this is like this is a lot of fun. So for me, a lot of times like I've had that happen several times. And so when it's happening, I try to like, oh, man, I need to enjoy this because this is this is not happening again. But how did you notice it? I mean, like did you notice it in the moment, do you think? What do you mean? Did you notice it like I noticed it now. Yeah. Like, yeah, because now it's like I'm looking at it. I'm like, you know, because for instance, like when, okay, here's another example. The Costa Rica uh camp. I've been doing that thing for almost 10 years, right? About it's like actually, no, it's longer than 10 years now. Because we've we started doing it back in 2015. So I've been on there since 2015 and I've been doing it the camp as a coach since 2019. Okay. So I've been coaching that camp since 2019. So, seven years. All right. So seven years, I've seen a lot of people come through. Some of them come every year, some of them people off and on, whatever. And um, you know, sometimes you you go to that camp and you're just even our jiu-jitsu camps. You know, like when those jiu-jitsu camps are are over, it it sounds weird, but I'll have this like because they're like it it's we're all together for several days. We're training and these people are coming in. I'm getting to know them. Some of them have been coming over and over again. They've been coming five, six years in a row. And we have we have a blast. And then when they leave, it's like, oh, man, like, you know, those people are gone. And like, I try to slow down because I look back at those camps with a lot of fondness because they're a lot of fun. And you only see those people and that that group of people, like there's a certain one of our students was talking about it last year. They were saying there's just a there's a really fun invite when we do those camps for three days, which we might extend it out this year. When we do those camps, there's a really fun environment in the gym at that time because we have all these people coming in to train with us. We're all there. We're all having fun and everybody's going for a full week or a full uh full, you know, three days, multiple times a day, whatever. You know, hanging out, having drinks, whatever. And uh it's like I have to take a stop and like look around and be like, this is so cool. Mhm. Right? This is so cool. I need to enjoy this. I need to like soak this in and not be worried about what's next because I think really what what stops us from enjoying the present is we're always looking for like what's next. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because you think about like when you're even like when you're when you're on your come up in and like your life. You know, you're so ready to be like to have it made a little bit, right? Okay. God, man, I can't wait to have this house. I can't wait to have some money in the bank. I can't wait to to to to whatever it is. And then you get all those things and then you realize, damn, I was having a lot of fun on the way up. And I didn't even appreciate it. I was so ready to be I'm always like, you know, I think what is Alan Watts say? He's like says people are always, you know, they're either looking over their shoulder behind them or they're like they're like tiptoeing and looking over ahead of them in the next hill, but they're never like looking at where they're at now. And I think that's the big thing. Um with the the camps, I remember there was one particular moment that I had in um just this is all over the place, of course. One particular camp that we went to where we're sitting down and we had this big group dinner. And I'm sitting there just staring around and then we had people from Canada, from the UK, um from obviously all over the United States, all as far as from the West Coast to the New England states, to the South, all over the place. At this one camp, all having dinner and they came in to train, you know, uh with me and some of the other guys that are training there, you know, came to train. Like, wow, this is so cool. You know, this is so neat to to do this, you know. Or even going to the jiu-jitsu opens and you see these things grow and all these people are there. It's just like I got to like take a step back. Like this is so cool what's going on. You know, and so that happens in our gym. You're in this place where all these people are coming together and it's like, God, this is so cool. Look around you. Look at look at what's available to you. Um and and just, you know, reminding yourself to take a step back from it and just look at it. And I think that's the biggie, right? And even like going back to the kids stuff, you know, you're so ready for them to be a little bit older. So this way, you know, whatever. And then you look back, oh, man, I wish they were still younger. And so all the parents that I've talked to tell me how much they they miss those days when they were young. They're like, don't don't and they all say the same thing. Dude, they fly by. Don't don't don't miss out on them. Like, you know, really pay attention because they're gone. So that like that's what I'm trying to do like when I'm with Luca. Like when I'm with Luca, I put the phone away. You got me, dude. I'm here. Like all in, you know, when we're when we're traveling this week, you know, like when I I'd be working and then when I was done working or, you know, doing the teaching the classes and stuff and he was up, all right, dude, let's go to the beach. Let's go walk outside. Let's go jump in the pool. Let's have some fun together. Let me give you 100% like of like attention because we only got this time once, right? This this moment's once. So. I think that's um that's a helpful idea and having that's something I struggle with is like with with the kids and stuff or like I let stuff overflow. Like How do you mean? I'll uh I'll I'll get just in my work or Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll let myself just kind of like, I got to get this done. And my wife will tell me like, you just say, you got to get this done. Then it's another thing, another thing. It's always more. You have to have like these these kind of roadblocks, these little boundaries that we're like, this is I'm going to block my time. I'm going to give myself everything I can do in this time and I'm be done. And that allows you to go to the next thing. It's just a little bit just for me, that's that's been helpful. That's super helpful. Having that blocking time, blocking time. Because like the the the creep from your work will span whatever time you give it. You know, so like that's that's a really important idea, right? So like if you block, let's say, for instance, if you say, I'm blocking an hour to get this done. You'll magically get it done in an hour. But if you say, I'm going to get it done. Oh, dude, it'll take like it'll take the whole damn day. Who knows? Yeah. And you have to do that. You like and and you have to keep it tight because it like because again, I know like because if I don't do it, if I just sit down and just let myself, I have to work off timers because like with that timer, I'm working against the clock sometimes to get stuff done. So I know it's like, I got this this is the time I got to get it done because I have to do this next, whatever. And if I don't get it done, then I'm going to miss out on this, whatever. I'm not going to be able to get it done. And so otherwise, dude, the shit just creeps in and like you said, I am the absolute freaking worst, bro, about doing too much. Um, I have this I was telling you telling Mitch about this. I'm like, I have like this Hercules complex. This is what uh I think it was uh Robert Bly worded it as the Hercules complex where I'll do everything. I'll put it on my shoulders. I'll just do more, more, more. Everything's an obstacle to overcome. And I fight against that all the time. My and Jess has to help me because like a lot of times what I'll do is like let's say if I complete a project or I've got a little bit of space opens up in my schedule. What do I do? It because like like here's an example. Last year, I had eight weeks at one point where I was gone every single weekend. Brutal for me. It's brutal. And like I I you know, and it's not just like, hey, it's not just like two days where you're gone. It's like, I'm I'm having to like push everything and condense it down into like three, four days. And then I'm basically Thursday's a packing day or getting ready day and spending time with family day, whatever I can do. Friday I'm gone, Saturday I'm gone, Sunday I'm gone, get back. And then when I'm back, I'm recovering on Monday and then trying to get some training. It was terrible. And I hated it. I didn't I didn't hate it, but I was stressed by it. It was a lot for me. And I remember I was telling Jess, I don't want to do it anymore. And then of course, what do I want to do? Hey, my schedule's opened up a little bit this year because of some different things. And what do I want to do? I'm ready to like smash more stuff into the schedule. And like she's kind of reminding me, hey, remember what we did last year? Remember how much you complained? Oh, yeah. Like I need to back off a little bit and just not do more because I didn't enjoy it and it really didn't move the needle for me as much as I would as much as the stress was, you know what I mean? So that's going back to blocking it off. I got to have that boundary there to say, no, no, no, no, no, dude. Like we we got to keep this because otherwise it'll just creep in and and we'll do more. Do more and let it like at the while you let all the other things that you were you have suffer. You know, that gives me an idea as far as jiu-jitsu related, like you'll see um like younger younger athletes, younger inexperienced or younger even in age, they're going to like train every day. Yeah. And like and then all of a sudden if they miss a day, like, oh my God. Yeah. They start freaking out and they don't know what to do. And it's like, I've seen so many people just kind of either burn themselves out in that way or like feel like they should be doing something or feeling like guilty about like not training or if they miss a day or they have to take a day off or this or that. And it's like, I have to do something. It's like if I'm not guilty and the shame about it. Well, think about like uh I've had the same thing like, oh, I'll have a couple hours not I don't have anything really planned. Like I I should be doing something. I should be training. I need to go lift weights. You can't just enjoy it. No, it's so hard. And you think it's you think like if you lose that little that grind, quote unquote grind, you're going to like lose momentum or lose progress. And with everything. I see that in a lot of like newer people get obsessed with jiu-jitsu, right? The whole obsessive thing. You call them shooting stars in some ways. They'll burn themselves out because they do so so much. Um, but then you can't really and then you you get tired of jiu-jitsu almost. And like you don't give yourself that little moment to give yourself some distance and be like, man, I really appreciate. So sometimes getting injured. Yeah. For me, it's like, oh, man, I got to go training this or that. For me, I'm like, oh, damn, man, I miss this so much. And and it kind of helps you refocus and get more intention in your training. So, um, I I see it in in jiu-jitsu. It's just something I've noticed. Like with younger with younger athletes. Well, to your point, a lot of times also people are in it, you know, like so a lot of you guys listening to this, right? We we get new people listening to this thing all the time and there's a good chunk of you that are in the first couple of years of training, right? So a lot of people are so ready for that to be over. Man, I just want to be like a I want to be good. I want to be a blue belt. I want to be a purple belt. I want to be there. I want to be I want to be I want to be somewhere where I feel like I've made some progress, right? And then when you look back at it though, it's like it it's a good place to be. Don't get me wrong. It's it's fun to be at a place where you can play the game and you're not getting smashed and all that stuff, of course. But there is a magic to the beginning. It's fun. That you never get back. And this is true with everything, right? There's a magic in the beginning that like it's a lot of times when there's something that has this mystery to it. You know what I mean? Like like when you look at jiu-jitsu, the deeper you go into this, the more and I it's not a bad thing. It just changes. The more mechanical it is. The more it's like it it you don't it's not this magical, whimsical thing. It's just like this this thing that you're doing and you understand how it works and whatever else. Um imagine it with your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend you've been with a long time, right? In the beginning, it's like they're they're new, they're exciting, they're mysterious, they're whatever. And then now you've been in the relationship long enough and the relationship can be amazing. It can be better than what it was, but it'll never have that same magic that it had in the beginning before you really knew who this person was. And so you have this with jiu-jitsu. So in the beginning, like you're in this thing and you're like so ready for the the the sucky phase to be over so that you're playing the game and you're good at it and there's nothing wrong with it, but at the same time, there's a magic to those first few years of training when everything's sort of new and you're constantly learning new stuff and it's so amazing and exciting and, you know, all that it's and you'll look back at it like, man, this was so much fun. You know, or then like I said, then you look back and the relationships you're making with some of the people. You'll look back at them like, damn, they were such a good time. I love those people. Man, where were they? You know, and it's and it's hard because we're always chasing what's next because we live in a we've been developed in a society that, you know, and I don't even mean this is a bad way because again, it it moves the needle. You don't want to be in a society where everybody's just like lazy and not doing anything, but we live in a society that's constantly pressuring you to like go for it, to do more, to grind. Enough's never enough. You always have to do more and then you have to like fight against that urge to like dial it back a little bit, you know. Yeah, yeah, no, that's great. Um, so I guess my advice or maybe even a rule is like, don't rush the process. Don't rush it. Like, I mean, don't don't just I I think that's just like I I wish I appreciated my white belt, my blue belt. It was fun. It's fun kind of just being in that those beginner stages. Um, don't wish like, oh, I can't wait till I'm this belt or that belt or a black belt, you know. It's like there's no more belts really after that. I mean, there are, you know, after you're training 30 years, but I just I don't know. I think like being a because there's like something fun about each belt. Like there's some kind of lessons and some kind of enjoyable moments. I mean, there there are. I mean, like shit, some of my most competing I did was probably purple belt. Now black belt, I've competed, you know, a good a decent amount, but like some belts I struggled. Like brown belt, I was talking to some of the the morning class, uh some of the students and I was like, man, brown belt was a tough belt for me. I didn't win a lot of brown belt. I've won, you know, more brown belt if I'd trained for the same amount of time, same amount of competitions, I've won more brown or black belt than I did brown belt. And so there's there's I don't know. It's just like not rushing it, just enjoying where you're at and even like developing your game, like getting a new technique and, oh, this is working for me. I'm going to start going down this rabbit hole. That's that doesn't happen as often when you get more and more experience. Your game's pretty much set and developed. You're going to add nuances and add little other little you're going to get better and you can create new things, but it's just not as like you don't make these big leaps as you did as a beginner, which is really a lot of fun. Yeah, you you get better much faster. Again, there's so many parallels there, right? Like we like imagine your your kids how fast they grow. All how fast they develop. Like Luca last year was a basically a potato when he was down in um Costa Rica. Now he's like a now he's like a little kid. He's communicating with people, right? He's a person, man. Little person. Yeah. And so like this happens with your jiu-jitsu where you get better so much faster. It happens with lifting. When you start when you first start lifting, man, you'll get those beginner gains and they're real, bro. Like you'll go from bench from struggling to bench like, you know, 135 to, you know, before the year's up, you're pushing two plates, you know, just fine. It's a real thing. You know, and then it turns into a grind and it becomes, you know, slower and slower. You know, I think maybe for me, I always sort of go back to this because it's it's a it's a practice I've kept up for a long time is I really like the the the sort of and again, it it it's everybody lots of people do it. Um, but the stoics were big on it. We're with the the practice of journaling and writing down, right? And reminding yourself of things that you want to do. Yeah. So like, if you read meditations as an example, meditations literally Marcus Aurelius will repeat to himself over and over again what he's telling himself he wants to do. Because that's really what it was. It's like it's not him it wasn't written for mass consumption. It was for him. Yeah. It was for him. Right. And so you what you're reading a lot of times is him telling himself what he wants to do or who he wants to be and the way he wants to treat people. And obviously, it was because he probably wasn't doing those things. You know, and so for me, it's like there's certain things I journal about over and over again where it's like, for instance, one is to shut up. Which doesn't seem like doesn't make sense, but basically I spend my life talking, um, teaching people, talking more. Uh, people come to me with questions, talking more. And so a lot of times I can easily and and I'm also very expressive. I can easily go into a conversation and just dominate the conversation. And I don't even mean to. And people don't even have a bad experience. Like if I do it, they're not like I've never like overbearing to it, but I hate when I do it and I don't let the other people talk. So there's always like when I'm not if I'm in a situation where I'm not working, I try to remind myself, just shut up. Ask more questions and just listen. Be there. How do you know how do you know you're doing it? How do you realize? How are you like in a conversation? So this could be for anything. If you're doing something you don't want to be doing, how do you like figure out, oh, shit, I'm doing the thing. Well, so I I know when I'm going to do it. So it's it's kind of like you know and I'll tie this back into the the nostalgia thing, right? You know when everybody knows like your triggers or the environment in which the thing happens. So as an example, it might be like if like if you're dealing with some sort of addiction or dependency on something, you may have a trigger that's environmentally based. So if this if this X happens, all of a sudden, I want to smoke or I want to drink or I want well, okay, well then you got to be ready for it then and then you got to be on guard and you got to figure out a way to deal with it, right? So for me, basically, when I'm in a converse like when I'm in a situation where we're in a group talking and it has nothing to do with like if I'm not teaching, no one's asking me a question. I will a lot of times shut up and be very quiet. Not to the point where I'm weird, but I'll shut up and I'll just listen for a little bit and then I try to ask more questions. And for me, it's just basically reminding myself and I and I sometimes I I I don't do this very well. And so that's when I get frustrated and go back to the journal, hey, remind you, shut up, listen, please, just stop talking a little bit. And so I try to do that, um, you know, even in the gym when I'm getting into the gym or just talking to people. I try to let people talk, ask them questions. Get them talking, not just me jabbering on about some stuff because I can do it so easily. Because it's what I do. It's like for a living, right? Um, it's a skill that you develop and you you spend your time talking and entertaining people. It's pretty easy to do. But then I don't really know the people I'm talking to. And so the conversation isn't as enjoyable for them. It may not be unenjoyable, but it's not enjoyable for them. Um, going back to the nostalgia thing, the the practice, right? And I've written about this in my journal is a reminder to myself is that when you're going through these experiences, like try to take a step back and enjoy them. You know what I mean? And so it's and so it's about finding those little things that like you can just be really thankful for. You look back at them like, oh, this is this is this is so cool. I'm so happy. You know, like when 2020 happened, you know, and everybody lost their damn marbles and we like told you that wearing a cloth mask was somehow going to save you from an airborne disease and sitting at the restaurant, somehow like you would sit down at your table and somehow this airborne disease wouldn't affect you. I don't know how that was a great idea. Um, I'm a little salty, right? Um, you know, I'll never forget the um the picture out of me and interrupt, but I have to just with the the students playing like wind instruments and they have a mask, but it's cut out in the middle and they're and like I was like, what at that point, I was like, what are we doing here? Anyway, we don't have to I felt I felt some What are we doing? I felt bad for one dude who came into the gym. He's a nice dude. Oh, he wore a mask. He wore a mask. Basically, at one point, it's sopping it's sopping wet and he's basically waterboarding himself. I'm like, just take it off. Like this is, you know, whatever. I felt bad, you know, because he's like, you know, he got powerful, right? Like you get you get terrified with fear, you know what I mean? Um, but anyway, going back to when we lost our marbles, you know, he said, hey, you can't train together. You can't be around people. Um, you know, I remember getting back with all the people. I remember getting back, um, you know, and it's it's something even see now with the division we have in our country. Like, me and like one of the guys at the gym, Tim, who's probably he's a little bit people love the labels. I would consider him he he has some issues that are very conservative, but I would consider him left. Yes. He's on the left. I don't know what you're talking about. I would consider myself, I have some I have some beliefs that people would consider air quotes on the left that I agree with, but I would consider myself more of a conservative. Although I don't really align myself with say like the conservative because they don't really seem conservative in the way that I think I am. I think I'm probably like a libertarian with a small L. You know, because I believe in like the strong military and things like that. But nonetheless, you know, I probably more conservative and I would be considered if you wanted to put a label on me, I would consider I would probably be considered by most to be slightly right of center, right? But me and him come together and we will talk and just chat about things and we're like just in person talking to each other. Some things we agree with each other, sometimes we disagree, but we're just chatting with each other about stuff and like you have that mutual respect. And I remember like when in 2020 when, you know, we started coming back to the gym, one of the first training sessions, we're sitting there and, you know, there's like 20 of us. And I remember like just being like overwhelmed by how thankful I am to be in this group because right now the news and all the media is telling me that all of us because of our different sort of beliefs and ideas and so forth, we're supposed to hate each other. Right? But then it's like, none of us hate each other. Like we all like each other. And honestly, if you get down to the brass tax, most of us have like a similar things that we want. Like most of us, like I mean, if you got really down to the brass tax with most Americans, kind of want the same things. There's a few things that we we we sort of split hairs on or that we will be angry about or maybe uh disagree with, but when you really get down to the root of like, what do you want? Most of us want the same things. Um, and we could all agree on some things like say like healthcare's screwed up, the insurance company stuff's screwed up. Um, government like you need to like sack about 90% of the government and like clean it out, right? I mean, do most of us would agree on all that stuff, but instead we're squabbling over like the the smallest thing sometimes. Um, and but like, you know, again going back to it, I was like, man, I was so taken back. I was like, man, I'm so grateful I journaled about it because that's what I do. I'm so grateful for for this thing that's in front of me. And so the journaling process for me is really helpful because it helps you going back to what you were talking about distance, right? When you journal about something, it's basically like having a conversation with yourself and you're giving yourself a little bit of distance to sort of chew on what you're thinking about. That's why I think it's a useful practice. And so for me, a lot of times going back to like, how do you, right? For me, it's about like reminding myself, going back to, you know, you have your meditations for yourself, right? You read Marcus Aurelius, fantastic. You can do that for yourself. You can philosophize on your own ideas. You can, you know, it's it's a useful idea and everybody I think should eventually at some point develop your own personal philosophy for because you think philosophy is simply just a a way that we sort of navigate our behaviors and actions in the world. We should all have that for ourselves. Um, you know, and so just do that for yourself. And you have that idea where you're you're basically looking at what's going on. And if you know that you have a tendency to rush through, you have a tendency to just blow past or to overfill your schedule or to like let everything creep out into your family, whatever it is. You got to go back to like reminding yourself, hey, hey, dummy. And it's like literally talking to yourself, hey, hey, buddy. Let's get back to what we need to do. You know who you want to be. You know the things that you want to do. You know the behaviors you want to exude. You know the kind of father you want to be, whatever it is. Let's do that. Let's be that person. And uh here's what we need to do. And for me, that's been very useful. Um, obviously, you know, we we fail constantly, but it's kind of just going back to and getting those reps. Yeah. I I think the the main thing that, you know, as you're saying all that stuff and kind of going through my head is reflection. Being able to it's a way to reflect. Yeah. Of course. And I think to be more in the moment is, you know, or be more appreciative of the time that you're when you're in the good old days, quote unquote, is just reflect upon them as they're going on. You know, don't wait five, 10 years when you have an event and it's like, oh, I missed those days, but kind of reflect upon them. I think you can be more appreciative of the time that you get on the mats. And sometimes there's, you know, physical things like injuries will remind you of that. Sometimes it's like achievements, like winning something or getting promoted to you realize, oh, man, I missed that old belt and when we were all whatever, these lower belts and we're training together and kind of didn't know what we were doing. I think I think there's some some beauty in that and but I think reflecting is the main thing, just not not going through it and and just appreciating it. I think that's going to be something, uh, I think it's something helpful. Helpful for me at least. And uh Chewy, let me ask you. We'll go back to you real quick. It's like jiu-jitsu. What do you do in jiu-jitsu? You go through your competition, you go through the roll, training session, whatever, and then you are supposed to reflect. How can I improve? What can I do differently? What can I do better, right? And then you do that. Just do that same process for everything. Yeah. You know, like whether it's your parenting, your your life, your work schedule, whatever, just just you you can do that same thing for everything. Take that same sort of microscopic that that microscope, that that magnifying glass and like comb through, you know, everything else. It's like it's interesting how we'll like put this we'll, you know, go to the finest details on our home, the electronics we have, uh our cars. We'll go, oh, I want this trim on this car and this model because it's it's this looks differently than this one, whatever. But then people don't do the same thing for like their life. You know, like not take that same comb with like that is the most important part. Is, you know, the actual existence you're living, you know. So I, you know, reflecting, you know, just like jiu-jitsu, just you're just taking that same idea of like reflecting on and trying to be who you want to become somewhere else. All right, let me ask you this one. I don't know if this is the best way to phrase this. It's not about really appreciation, but like was there a part of maybe your jiu-jitsu life that you kind of wish you would have like had more time in or appreciated. Not I don't even say appreciate. It doesn't mean to appreciate it, but kind of is there a part or a time or a span that was like really meaningful, like, man, that was a good time. I wish I had a little more time uh in that in that time. Several. God, leave me, there's so many because like I said, there's there's like there's, you know, there's like several different sort of in my mind eras, right? You know, because it's like you'll have a specific group together. Um, my training and body or in a certain place. And so there are these eras of my training. And, you know, if you had a timeline, right? You could they'd be different colors. Different color coded like, you know, from 2003 to 2005, it was this. From 2005 to 2008, it was this. And, you know, so forth. And so those those like they have all these different unique experiences and, um, they were beautiful and fun and interesting for their own reasons, right? I mean, because again, you do something for 20 plus years. I mean, you know, so much. Um, it would be fun to go through them again a little bit, right? But again, for me, it was just there's not one that like I could look at specifically and be like, I want to go back to that one. Because they're all so cool. They're all so much fun and and and, you know, several of them for different reasons, you know. Um, but it's just hard to pin my finger on like whatever. But, you know, it's funny you brought this up because I was even thinking about this, um, I think it was like last night. Like, I remember 2022 in particular was a weird year for me. I was having a lot of sleep issues. I remember I I don't know what was going on. I think it was more of like a stress anxiety related thing. I just couldn't sleep for the damn. I would have like I would typically I would not I would I would typically not sleep one night or get like maybe two or three hours. And then I would the next night I would basically crash. And then the next night I'd have like, you know, maybe four or five hours sleep and then another one where I'm like two, three hours sleep, whatever. And then I would crash again. Like it's just it was a schedule where like, I mean, there was nights sometimes where I wouldn't get any sleep. Yeah. And um, I remember it was always a mess. I'd be up in the middle. I'd be reading books until two or three in the morning just trying to wind down. And meanwhile, still training, doing all this stuff. And even when like worlds that year. You know, and and still maintaining a really like tough schedule, but I remember like just trying to get through that and then at the same time, the gym was like growing at the time. It was getting big and, um, you know, we had guys like Brandon who was on the mat and a bunch of young guys that were on the killers on the mat having a lot of fun with them. I was in really good shape at the time. All these cool things were happening. Um, but I remember like that year in particular was like one I sort of blew past. Like and I'm like, man, like that was a good year. When I look at like the gym, I like the people that were coming in, when I look at my performances, it was a good year. And I just blew past it. Um, because I was rushing through it, trying to, you know, deal with whatever's going on versus like backing off. And I think again, it was stemming from issues with like related to anxiety, stress, all that other stuff. Um, so that was one again, just more recently where like you kind of like brushed through it and you kind of look back, man, it was a good time. When you when you when you ask that question, was there a time period you were looking at that you were thinking about it for your own self? Like, man, this was a time period where I was really having a lot of fun and I look back at like, I'd like to go back to that one. We could like probably purple belt, like when I we traveled and like I was just my son was still real little, maybe even before he was born. He was born in 15, 2015. And uh Probably you just I I remember you and me like went to Indy when he was a like he was still a baby. We went to you and I went to Indianapolis, you did a tournament. There's me and you and some Carolina. Yeah, we went to North Carolina. Yeah. And then that was the time where uh I really enjoyed uh watching the the crowd kind of start to Oh, yeah, yeah. We were we were in Charlotte. That was when it was new. That was like that was like the first that was like one of the first times. weird shit because we had here's why. Here's why it was weird. We have one of the Meow brothers, literally sitting right next to us. And this is when they're in their like heyday prime. Like, yeah, they're sitting right next to us. I mean, these guys are world champions. One of them was sitting next to us. I don't know which one. I can't tell them apart. And I'm talking to you and then behind us. What they're twins, dude. Trying to set me up. So, I'm sitting there, I'm talking to you just like we are right now. And I'll see people just start like kind of whispering and like this line starts forming. I'm like, what the hell's going on? I'm starting to giggle a little bit. I'm like sad to smirk. I was like, I know what's going on. I wasn't even paying attention. I was like thinking in my bag or something. And you turn around and I'm like, Chewy, I think I pointed or something. I was like, hey, I think these people want to talk to you. And it was really cool to see that like um because then we got it and like we went to ADCC or somewhere and we got mauled. And I was like, I can't even go anywhere with you because like if I'm trying to go to the bathroom or something, it's like I'm going to walk to the bathroom. 22 when we went to the uh That was crazy. Or outside um it was like it was fun because we were uh we met some of the guys from Origin and Jaco was on one side and a bunch of people there and then you're on the other side, a bunch of people there. I was like, this is this is wild, man. It was it was cool. It was cool. We got to travel. We got to do some we made some fun stories, fun uh fun times at the micro hotel. Um or lack thereof. Fun times. But um it was good. It was fun. It was just kind of like I could focus more on that. My body felt good. I was in my early 30s. Um, I didn't feel like I felt like I trained a lot more, a lot harder. More time available. More time available, more time to devote to training and like, you know, now my my mind isn't like in 12 different places. It's really hard to I have to compartmentalize, make those those blocks. Like, hey, this is my block of time right now. I'm studying for some things. So that's my block of time for this. And then when I get ready, like I don't feel like I can do multiple things. Like really give my best to to compete. So I was like, I'm going to block time to really get dialed in and compete a little more and and be more focused on that and really be more focused on jiu-jitsu. I still want to do it and be, you know, be good and improve, but it's hard to improve when you're in a bunch of different things. So just Well, there's only you've only got so much bandwidth. So it's like Correct. Yeah. You know, you have one area that you can really dive into and that can be your thing that you're going to put your eggs in, that you're really going to focus on. And everything else is sort of on the periphery. You know, and at least this has been my case for me. I can't be 100% everywhere. I can be like I can really get into something. And then everything else is going to be, you know, done, but, you know, I can't give it the same amount of energy. Yeah. You know, and this could change weekly, monthly, daily, you know, it can depending on what's going on, you know. Like like this trip was like for me was like a lot of times with Jess and Luca. Okay. It's vacation, it's time to whatever. You know, and then like during the lead up to worlds, a lot of it was training and I couldn't be at home as much as I might want. Sure. Absolutely. And then other times there's just like focus on work stuff. All right, I got to do this stuff, you know, but you go through those periods and it is what it is. You have to like something has to give because you can't do everything. You can't again that idea that Hercules complex, right? You can't just load everything on your shoulders and just keep carrying because eventually you just you you buckle. You know, and then that that's where you get into that point where there's another idea from one of the uh the books I was reading and they talk about like in a lot of like the movies, you see this motif of this hero that creates a world in which they can't live in. You know, you think about movies where like the hero like dies or has to run off after they they've created the world that you were that that that their children get to live in, that their their their country gets to live in, that their their brethren and their whatever get to live in, but then they don't get to live in it. You know, and you see that with people where like they they go to work and they grind and they do all these things and they, you know, buy these beautiful homes and property or whatever it is that they have and then they don't even get to enjoy it. Yeah, they don't even get to appreciate it. Yeah, you're like, you know, you're because you're just you you you have this impulse to like do more, do more, do more, do more, right? And it's a great impulse, but it's kind of like it's it's the idea of like a fire, right? It's like a fire's really useful if it's contained, but then it just burns everything down if it gets out of out of control, right? You can burn out, right? You can just burn yourself out, burn everything down around you and it all goes to, you know, goes to crap if you don't control that impulse. All right, guys, hopefully you enjoyed the podcast. Hopefully, uh something stuck with you. Um, something that this is just sort of another idea, um, going back to um that idea of like a commonplace journal that I have where like, you know, I have all my ideas and thoughts and everything down. Um, something that's really useful at least for me, this is something I do. When I'm listening to a podcast, um, or an audiobook or anything like where it's like, you know, because if it's if it's written down, I can just sort of underline it, copy it, whatever else. But if it's something audio where I'm trying to capture it, I I do this with videos too. I I don't get too worried about the specific quote of it. Sometimes I might I might relisten to it, but I think what's what's more important is sort of a paraphrasing of trying to remember like, see like what's going on in your own head. You know, because that's what's most important. Like when you're listening to someone, you don't need to be remembering exactly what they said to a T. Yeah. What you're really trying to do is figure out like what is the information they shared, what stuck with me and then what is it in my own words that I can access it later. I think it's useful. And so if you listen to the podcast and something came to you, maybe it'd be a good idea to write it down. Um, you know, in your notepad, Google Docs or whatever it is that you use uh for information. If you don't, it could be a useful idea. Um, but again, hopefully something stuck with you, popped out at you. And uh we'll prove useful to you in the future. Big thanks to our sponsors for helping to make the podcast happen. You can check them out. Athletic, A T H L E T I C, mints. Again, they make uh mints that are sort of microdosed THC mints with other cannabinoids to give you an effect. The three mints that they have currently are flow, rebound, and power. And again, obviously, you can think about what those the namings of those mean and what they can be used for. I've used them plenty of times. It's nothing like the the crazy edible stuff where you sort of feel on edge or you feel really high or anything like that. You know, really it's more you feel like a relaxed feeling. Um, they can be useful. 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And when you join up, you'll get access to the video, you'll get access to the ebooks, which can be useful. Again, I give about 12 different strategies that you can use for your rolling to get more improvement by being more focused. Along with that, you'll then get my daily email, which goes through just simple ideas that I think could be useful or interesting to you, both for jiu-jitsu and not, right? Book recommendations and quotes I come across, whatever it could be. And you guys get access to that. You can unsubscribe at any time or you can just join the thousands of people that read it every day and enjoy it and get something from it. So, guys, with that said, thank you for joining us. It's good to be back. The last few weeks have been a little weird. Been traveling a bunch, but back here with you guys. And uh if you guys need something, let us know. 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